Oh For Simplicity

Is it me or is nothing ever simple? The reason I ask is the pantomime that is my insurance claim. I won't say who the company is at the moment, in fairness, to give them a chance to redeem themselves, but let's just say you would think they would be based in Norfolk ( As in Norfolk 'n'good - say it out loud- you'll get the idea )

Apparently different departments need to communicate, and this is causing a hold up. Amazing innit? if I owed them money the company intranet, mobile phones and computers would be whizzing. They owe me money and it's 2 tins of marvel joined by a bit of string, or a carrier pigeon (that has yet to be bred) or the flamin' pony express.

As for the valuation for the claim, you'd think I was trying to claim for the crown jewels.

Up to yet I have made 10 phone calls, gone through the details on every call, and still they have not got a complete list of my belongings that were stolen. Without being xenophobic, it would help if the people I speak to spoke more than rudimentary grasp of English.One of the "advisors" told me I was claiming for a sinking ship?? I told him the only ship I'd sunk was in my bath

I have called 5 different departments, and have now taped my story onto my dictaphone ( although I usually use my finger to phone- boom-boom) The worrying thing is, my company has my Health Insurance with these idiots- God help me if I go in Hospital to have my tonsils out- they,ll probably turn the trolley round and leave me without a sausage

When I do get through to an English speaker, I just seem to be fobbed off, after a wait that has the chairman of BT booking his next Foreign jaunt for him and his Hareem on the proceeds.
(What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? -£3.99 a minute. )

Norwich Union you are Like My A**E

With any luck my claim will be settled by the New Year - 2010 maybe?


I need a laugh so here's a joke for today:


Every day a man walks up to one of his female colleagues while she’s at the coffee machine, inhales a massive breath of air and says “mmm , your hair smells really nice”. After a week, she complains to personnel, and puts in a sexual harrassment complaint. The personnel manager says “Whats wrong with that ,it’s a compliment?”

She replies “it’s John the dwarf”