Abandonhope all who enter

I am 44 years old. I have worked since I was 16 and in that time I have only been on the dole for one week. Even when the factory I worked at announced it was shutting, I was pro-active and took a temporary job untill I found another I wanted to do. On Friday, my boss announced that he was suspending operations, in effect he`s broke. I immediately went home trawled the net and local rags and registered with employment agencies. Monday felt like I was bobbing school, the first time in 28 years- apart from holidays- I haven`t gone to work. I was on the phone arranging interviews etc and felt pretty positive. Tuesday I went the job centre-big, big mistake. I`m not going to reveal the whereabouts but my local job centre leaves a lot to be desired. On the way in, a sign declared:

PLEASE DO NOT LINGER IN THIS AREA,RATS HAVE BEEN SEEN AND THE SITUATION IS BEING DEALT WITH. BAIT HAS BEEN PUT DOWN, DO NOT PICK ANYTHING UP FROM THE FLOOR.

Now I know times are hard but apart from toddlers, who picks things up? Am I missing something here?

The look of the building is bad enough, paint peeling and a general air of neglect, in fact it wouldn`t look out of place in Beirut - I almost expected to hear sniper fire. I turned the corner to the main entrance and was confronted by 2 security guards. Bought to mind the old joke "Have you got any weapons on you mate?"
"No"
"What do you want-knife,gun or chain?" boom-boom!!

I was looked over - mainly because I had clean clothes on! and a shirt rather than a - usually obscene- slogan T Shirt. Some strange looks when I didn`t set the metal detector off- no piercings you see.

Into a gloomy main room with a stained carpet, and a pig on the counter as an air freshener ( I`m exaggerating- the carpet wasn`t that bad)

I counted 20 people behind the counter, no one speaks, asks if theycan help or offers assistance. I noted one guy was playing solitaire on his computer-nice to see my taxes aren`t going to waste.

I wait until the receptionist has finished telling her colleague her latest sexual exploits with her married lover- cheeky little minx,so good of her to provide my entertainment, I`ve got nothing else to do! Also learned a few new techniques which I am sure my wife will apprecate later, who says education stops after school?
As she stops for air I rudely interupt and give her my tale of woe, she gives me a look that says "Your plight has really touched me- now sod off and tell someone who cares" as she passes me a leaflet with a jobline number on it and points to a bank of 3 phones with a queue of desperate looking men hovering around them. Having sized up the competiton and the fact that most of them smell like a brewery, I feel a bit like Niles from Frazier and decide to do my calling from home.

I get home call the magic number and get a distorted voice on the other end of the line asking set questions and giving me an appointment 2 weeks later to discuss my eligibility for jobseekers allowance.I suppose they hope I`ll find a job in the meantime, so do I,so do I!!