Giffs blog

your questions about dieting- alternative answers!

2009-12-28T11:35:00.000Z

Don't worry if you put on weight over Christmas; we can answer your questions about dieting-

I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
No – your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it... Don’t waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer, that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.

How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Is Good.

Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
Food is fried in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Is chocolate bad for me?
Never heard of cocoa beans? Another vegetable. It’s the best feel-good food around.

And, above all-
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – lager in one hand, bacon butty in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

No wonder Tesco are worried... or, time to leave the country before they switch the lights out

2009-10-17T12:25:00.002Z

In case you didn't notice, the other day the boss of Tesco let out a yowl of dismay about the dire state of education here. When a supermarket can't find people smart enough to arrange the fruit and veg, God knows we're in the mire.

So here is an instructive selection of magic moments from British Quiz programmes to prove a point.It almost makes you weep!!

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant: Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

Contestant: Leicester

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: I don't know.

Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant: Arm

Stewart White: Correct And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant: Strong.

Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis

Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant: France .

Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question.. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

Contestant: Paris .

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark : For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )

Phil: What's 11 squared?

Contestant: I don't know.

Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard: Which American actor was married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY (AGAIN)

Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant: Er. .. ..

Richard: He makes bread . .

Contestant: Er . ....

Richard: He makes cakes . .

Contestant: Kipling Street ?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant: Barcelona .

Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question: What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant: The Pacific.

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... Er, er .... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller: Japan .

Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller: Er ...... Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant: Holland ?

Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant: Er. ... ..

Phil Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .

Contestant: Blimey?

Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..

Contestant: (Silence)

Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . .. .

Contestant: Walked?

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant: Jewish.

Presenter: That's close enough.

(Sounds like BRMB operates on the same basis as the national curriculum, folks)

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus.

By the way, the headline in yesterday evening's copy of London Lite, a free newspaper, was all about the fact that Louis Walsh was not going to appear as a judge in The X Factor because Stephen Gately, a singer, has died and Louis is too upset to appear.

Now there's a paper that knows the intellectual level of most of its readers.

Warrior

2009-10-14T10:53:00.005Z

With thanks to Geoff Thompson

This resonated with me.To read the full article click here

Where have all the warriors gone? Where are all the stoics, the hardy grafters, the industrious inventors, the pioneers and adventurers? Why are men’s shirts tight on the belly instead of on the chest and back, and why are woman having to get post codes placed on each cheek of their very large arses? What ever happened to physical prowess, the hardy mentality and the imaginative acuity that enabled our great species to survive eons against seemingly impossible odds?

People have forgotten how to be courageous.

They have forgotten why it is important to be courageous.

Maybe now is the time to reconnect with the warrior that you once were and could be again.

Here are a few tips to help you towards self sovereignty and hardiness:

1) Get your physical well being back to balance. And start now. You should not be fat! You should not be unfit. You should not be out of shape.

2) Do not put of until tomorrow when you and I both know that for the procrastinator tomorrow does not exist.

3) Don’t point the finger of blame, unless you have a mirror handy. It is not a warrior trait to blame. The responsibility starts and ends with you.
This is the exciting bit. You don’t have to wait for permissions, you don’t need
the nod from your wife or your mum or your mates down the pub, it is down to
you, and making your own decisions is one step towards becoming a warrior.

4) Be industrious. Be busy investing your hours into the conglomerate that is You Inc. You should not be lazy, your time is very valuable because your time is finite, it is a once only deal, you will never get lost time back again, so make the very best you can of it.

5) Kill the self pity; you should not be self-pitying, it does not serve you and it is not a warrior trait. You need to be stoic about life, if you get knocked down seven times, get back up again eight.

6) Groom! People say that you should not judge by appearance. But if someone does not even have the self discipline to honour their body by keeping it clean and groomed, then it does not say an awful lot for their inner being.

7) Make an inventory. Abraham Lincoln made an inventory of all his faults; impatience, procrastination, lateness etc. He ended up with about fifteen personal failings on his list. He then spent a week, in rota, perfecting each area until he had erased them all.

8) Self invest. Set an amount of time out every day to invest in yourself. Read, write, study, train, meditate – what ever does it for you, but invest. Make the investment consistent. And don’t say you do not have the time. You have the same time as everyone else. And if you don’t invest in you, who will?

9) Build a library. I have yet to meet a very successful person who does not read heavily. Readers are leaders. So start your collection of books and audios now. It will be life changing, because it is through the library that we escape mediocrity.

10) Serve. Make a point of serving others, because what you give out will keep returning. There is much power here! This is a reciprocal universe, what you give you will get back ten fold. Where possible make your service anonymous. Ideally only you and God should know where and how you serve. The real power of service is when it is secret service.

Be a warrior. Do not let life kick sand in your face. Stand up to it. Stoics see adventure and growth in every life situation, even and especially the tough life situations. It is in adversity that warriors are made. Be a hardy grafter, an industrious inventor and a pioneer. Do not settle for second best or complain about the fact that you would do more ‘if things were not so difficult.’ Life is hard for everyone, no one can escape the human condition, but it does not have to be dull and mundane; it can be exciting-hard and colourful-hard. You just need to give yourself a change of perspective, stop seeing what you have not got, and start looking at what you have got.

Don Juan Matus, a Yaqui Indian and Shaman, when teaching his student Carlos Castaneda, told him that the universe is made up of consciousness, and that if he changed his perception of the universe whole new worlds would open up to him. So get busy, change your perception, see the growth is difficulty, the adventure in the warrior life and whole new worlds will open up to you.

Dangerous Media?

2009-10-06T09:12:00.002Z

A massive media backlash has started against the dancer Anton Du Beke. He called his dancing partner - the actress Laila Rouass "a Paki". Without condoning the language used, I think this is just another case of trial by media. It happened 2 weeks ago, it was a joke (if not a very funny one) and he has had his apology accepted by Miss Rouass.

A bit of a case of people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones here methinks. As I write this, an Asian woman has rung the TV programme "The Wright Stuff" to tell everyone about her workforce of Afghanies, mainly women, who are known as "The Taliban". It's a jokey refererence to something that most people can relate to when Afghanistan is mentioned. I also find it interesting that most of the people who are "outraged" are white and what used to be called middle class.
In a week where 3 people have been convicted of having pornographic images of young children in various digital media, a tsunami has struck and an earthquake has killed thousands, this really is a story that should never have seen the light of day.I'm sure Miss Rouass has given as good as she got, and I suppose the one good thing about it,it's kept Katie Price,aka Jordan, off the front pages for a day or so.

Timeless Wisdom

2009-08-02T21:22:00.000Z

This was written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, in Cleveland, Ohio. He wrote:

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow; but, it's still a gift."

Quit your job in 90 days

2009-07-26T09:21:00.003Z

The reality of Quitting Your job in 90 days
to work full-time online

- by Tony Shepherd

© Tony Shepherd

Click here to find out more

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I'll say right here and now that I DIDN'T manage to
quit my job and go full time online in 90 days...

It actually took me 97!

And that was from the point that I actually put my mind to it
and said 'OK - this is it - playing for keeps and no looking
back!'

The secret to managing to quit your job and go full time into
your own internet marketing business is down to two things:

1. Determination

2. Having a 'system' in place.

I can't give you the first one - that's up to you.

It's like quitting smoking. You try so many times using various
methods, props and crutches, but the time you actually succeed
in quitting is the time you finally decide to just DO IT.

So if you want to quit your job, the determination part is up to you I'm afraid.

But the SYSTEM that you'll need to have in place - that all successful marketers have in place, to a greater or lesser degree is up to you.

Basically you need to install an 'automatic process' in your business that converts leads into subscribers, and subscribers into buyers.

And best of all it's pretty easy to put into place.

For example you could offer a free report, then push your prospects through a sales funnel where they're given options based on their needs and wants.

It should include upsells (they've bought one thing from you so why not just add a complimentary product to the basket)

And if they're not interested in that product and decide to leave your site, maybe another of your products would be more suited to them.

You might have heard marketers talk about 'the sales funnel'

But did you know that most marketers leave PILES of money on the table by not thinking about the process from their customer's point of view?

For example if you've just subscribed to a newsletter to receive a free report, you're less likely to spend $997 on a coaching program.

But the same prospect might well be interested in a DVD telling them how to build a simple blog and profit from it within 30 days, especially if it's priced at $27, and advertised as a 'subscriber only discount'

There's a very real art to building your system.

And the best way of all is to subscribe to other marketers lists, and to see how they do it....

If you like an idea you can use it yourself, and if something makes you angry or you feel like they're just out to take your money, you know to avoid that idea when you build your own system.

The secret is to put yourself in the customer's shoes.

Too few marketers actually do this.

Good luck.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Tony Shepherd has just put togther a blueprint for
building your own online system.

For a VERY short time you can get this for free
(actual value $97)

https://paydotcom.com/r/86678/611701/

Free free to reproduce this article to
your own website/ ezine list.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

10 Great Ways to Jumpstart Your Creativity - Dumb Little Man

2009-06-09T21:35:00.000Z

10 Great Ways to Jumpstart Your Creativity - Dumb Little Man

My Day off!!

2009-04-30T19:18:00.004Z

As I am working Saturday, today was my lieu day off.Its been a while since I have been off in the week, and it really doesn't cut the mustard the same as a Saturday.
Weekends are for re-creation,you just don't get the same feeling on a weekday.
I have noticed more people around town, that I feel is a consequence of the economic slowdown, but shopping is definitely the favorite pastime of the masses!
Mothers are getting younger, most look like they should still be at school!!
or is it just the fact that I am approaching middle age much faster than I want to?
It was nice being off with my wife today, but I'm sorry, I much prefer the weekend!!
I'm a creature of habit, looks like I need to develop some new ones:-)
As for the no 1 son, his vampire stage goes on unabated - up all night,then sleeping all day.He got a bit ratty today as he had slept through his midday nap??
Talk about the life of riley!!

The Wealthy Writer

2009-04-28T19:40:00.001Z

How would YOU like to earn $100k+ every single year...

... Just by using your WRITING SKILLS?

Right now, the online world is literally begging for writers. People that can tap out a few words - providing content for the millions of sites out there.

You don't have to be a Pulitzer Prize winner to get started. Heck, you don't even have to know what that means.

You just have to be able to piece together a few simple sentences - and submit them to the SECRET ONLINE WRITING MARKETS that most people have absolutely NO idea about. Even the best writers in the business!

And writing for the Internet is a GREAT WAY to earn a living from home, working in your pyjamas, on your own time.

Want to learn more? Visit this website right away:

Most authors following this program are now raking in upward of $100k - each and every year.

Visit the site and learn more. I guarantee you'll be amazed!

2009: 25% down...

2009-04-04T18:37:00.003Z

Guest Blog from alwyncosgrove

"What gets measured, gets managed"
Peter Drucker
Management Theorist,
Author of 31 books.

----

So here we are again...Today marks the 25% point of the year. Sorry - it's not an April fools joke.

The entire first quarter of 2009 has already passed- we are now three months into 2009.
90 days are gone forever.

Are you on track with those New Years Resolutions? Are you on track with your goals?

If you wanted to lose 20lbs this year - are you down 5lbs already?
If your goal was to do 250 workouts - have you completed 62 ?

It's amazing how time passes so quickly. If you need a "do-over" then I'm going to give you one. you can REDO your New Years Resolutions right now and get started all over again. That's right - I'm letting you off the hook - but don't waste a single second.

If your goal is fat loss - start today
If your goal is muscle building - start today
If your goal is (insert anything here) - start TODAY !

25% of this year is gone forever. Will you make changes TODAY or will another 25% pass, then another 25% -- and before you know it -- it's 2010.....

I meet a lot of people in my job, and get a lot of questions via email. I'll talk to guys who track every single macronutrient that passes their lips, and have tried just about every program out there. When I ask them how things are going -- they'll tell me that it's great, or that the program is working well.

However, very few people actually measure and take stock of their efforts. If you are following a plan to lose fat - are you actually losing fat? And I mean at a rate that is acceptable for your efforts? Or are you blindly following a plan that doesn't work, and essentially ignoring that?

I know where my progress towards my goals stand because I measure it.

When I was in the hospital for a stem cell transplant - the medical team took measurements of temperature, blood pressure and blood samples every 4 hours.

When we implement a marketing campaign at the gym -- we track the results. We know for example how many direct mail pieces we send out, the cost of each mailing, how many inquiries we get, how many appointments are made, and how many people join the gym as a result. We know exactly how effective the plan is, and whether the return we are seeing is worth the investment.

We can see that for $X invested, we receive a return of $Y. We need to know where our membership stands - our new members, renewals etc and when our busiest times are - everything is measured and tracked so we can continue to grow and serve our members.

If you remember "SMART" goal setting -- one of the keys is 'M' - Measurable. Measure your results.

As we enter the second quarter of 2009, it's time to take stock of your efforts. Has your current return been worth the investment?
Again -- 25% of this year is gone forever. Will you make changes TODAY or will another 25% pass, then another 25% -- and before you know it -- it's 2010.....

Don't waste a single second. Start TODAY.

Where will you be at the 50% point - July 1st ? That's 13 weeks away. Will you be 13 weeks leaner - will your business demonstrate 13 weeks further growth - will you be 13 weeks closer to your goals?

The time will pass anyway....

Trickle Charge Your Confidence

2009-03-24T20:45:00.002Z

Getting your head straight isn't always a simple task.

Just when we think we've got a handle on it, something can
come swooping in from out of nowhere and knock us for a
loop.

How many times have you walking into a room feeling great,
and walked out an hour later wondering what just happened to
you? Or sat chatting with good friends or family and came
away feeling inexplicably down in the dumps?

Well, I've got some good news and some better news for you.

First, it's probably not your fault (more about that in just
a moment).

And second, there is something you can do now to keep the
same thing from ever happening to you again.

In a strange little study, researchers proved that a simple
list of 50 words (with just 10 negative words buried among
them) seriously changed the behavior of subjects. Every
single time. And what's worse, not one of those subjects
ever even suspected anything had been done to them.

It was entirely below their radar -- and none of their own
doing.

If you'd like to know more about that scary little
experiment and what it might mean about you, your moods,
your confidence, and your success, then click here

Best of all, as I mentioned a moment ago, there IS something
you can do to protect yourself, your thoughts and your
future.

The solution is simple and elegant, and I think you'll love
the ideas you'll find at that website. I know I do.

Look it over. At the very least, it'll help make you aware
of just how many "outside" influences are swaying our minds
this way and that, without our ever being aware of it.

And it'll show you how to take back control.

Do yourself a major favor - check this out right now!

Don't miss out

2009-03-03T20:51:00.003Z

Look at your watch - check the time and the date.

How much have you spent up to now trying to start your own online business?

Hundreds?

Thousands?

So what's missing?

What's the 'secret ingredient' that almost guarantees success online, whether you want just an extra few thousand a month or you want to go the whole way and launch your own full-time online business?

The answer?

Precise Instructions.

Being shown exactly what to do, step by step from someone who's done it THEMSELVES.

Find out more here

The Internet Marketing KickStart Course is like 'Mentoring In A Box'

Based on their own 6-figure online business...

Tony Shepherd and Sara Brown are going to show you how to build your own 100% unique online business

In short you get to find out exactly how they did it - no catches - no omissions.

THEN you get to do it yourself.

I'll make this brief because 306 of the 500 slots have already been sold, and the site WILL close when it reaches capacity.

If you've not yet 'cracked it' online then check out The KickStart Course

I'll just leave you with this quote from the website:

"...forget indecision, frustration or confusion that because we are going to tell you EXACTLY - with no room for doubt - EXACTLY what to do to put money into your bank account"

Oh - and you can get the first lesson completely FREE, just check out the popup.

I hope you decide to check it out

The Kickstart Course

A really good explanation about the Financial Meltdown

2009-02-11T14:24:00.002Z

This is required reading for everyone, to make sense of the mess we are in at the moment financially.I apologise for not posting sooner, but with yesterdays meeting of the Bankers to explain how "we" got in this mess, it struck a cord.
I think the swear word for 2009 is "Banker". Read the whole article here

Be My Valentine

2009-02-06T15:23:00.001Z

Years before there existed a Saint Valentine to warm the heart and inject passion into the cold winter, mid-February was already an exciting time for Roman youths. As early as 400 years BCE, ancient Romans held a popular yearly competition as an act of worship to their god of shepherds, Lupercus. Teenage women had their names put into a box and then selected by chance alone by adolescent men. The 'winners' then found themselves legally joined for a year.

Six centuries later, the warlike emperor Claudius II put a stop to marriage for young men -- because he took it into his head that unattached men made better soldiers.

An early Christian priest, Valentine, disagreed with his Emperor and secretly performed marriage ceremonies until Claudius dicovered his disloyalty and locked him up, and eventually caused him to be martyred for his faith on February 24th, 270.

The story goes that while he was locked up, Valentine fell madly in love with his guard's daughter and when he was taken to be executed, he sent her a message signed, 'From your Valentine.'

Valentine's story provided a good excuse, and so, the by now established Christian Church, in AD 496, took the opportunity to finally abolish the hated pairing off lottery held in honor of Lupercus the pagan god and so changed the rules:

From then on, both the young men and the young women would randomly choose from the box, but now they wouldn't get the expected year of 'marriage' (or, indeed, the more earthy benefits that were implied), they would now receive the name of a Saint whose life they were obliged emulate over the coming twelve months.

Must have been quite a disappointment for the hot-bloodied young Romans!

The day of the new-style lottery was named after Saint Valentine whose selection, more than two centuries after his martyrdom, was intended more to displace the pagan god than from any honest reverence towards love.

As so often happens, public memory was more powerful than the latest political ideas -- especially when as unpopular as this and Saint Valentine's name remained synonymous with love and lovers. The young men of Rome, missing their traditional sweepstake, began instead handing notes to the girls they hoped to gain favor with on February 14th.

And so, our modern love of giving Valentines cards was was introduced over 1500 years ago!

The earliest known card that is still in existence is owned by the British Museum. It was sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife in 1415. He was held captive in the Tower of London at the time and so outpourings of love were probably more acute than most!

In the sixteenth century the Bishop of Geneva tried to reinstate the yearly Saint's name lottery, but his efforts were short-lived. February 14th was by then too firmly associated with lovers for the Church to successfully interfere.

At the end of the 18th century, in 1797 a British publisher, a man who would have done well in modern times, published a guidebook called 'The Young Man's Valentine Writer' which contained hundreds of ready made sentimental verses for young men with more passion than poetry in their souls.

Sending Valentines cards anonymously not surprisingly started in Victorian times. Those outwardly straight-laced folks secretly loved anything that hinted at being 'naughty', but publicly were obliged to display a veneer of respectful purity. Hence, the messages in Victorian cards became ruder and ruder, but the authors remained hidden behind a respectful anonymity.

The earliest known of Valentine's cards in the U.S., Esther Holland charged up to $35 for a single card. An enormous amount of money way back in 1870!

In case you are wondering, we still write kisses with the letter 'x' because back when reading and writing was a rare skill, a person would 'sign' their name with their mark -- a cross. So that the mark would carry weight, people would draw their cross and kiss it -- much the same as they would kiss the Holy Bible. So the written 'x' became a written substitute for a kiss.

May you have a romantic Valentine's day! X

The Best Fat Loss System Around?

2008-07-23T12:10:00.006Z

How would you like to learn from the guy who Men's
Health magazine turns to each month for top fat
loss information?

Well, now is your chance because for the first
time in almost 1.5 years fat loss expert, Alwyn
Cosgrove, has released his most cutting edge and
power system.

This same programs that people at his gym will
pay almost $300 for!

In the Warp Speed Fat Loss System Alwyn
reveals...

-How how you can super charge your metabolism for
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-And this is just a taste of Warp Speed Fat Loss
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My favorite part of this whole thing is that you
don't have to live in the gym. You only are
training for less than 5 hrs a week!

Don't miss out on this. Join the hundreds of
people that are using Warp Speed Fat Loss to
change their bodies Hurry and visit:
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Kettlebell Training

2008-07-19T17:55:00.002Z

Kettlebells are the latest trend with Hollywood fitness trainers.With good reason, they are very effective for quick fat loss.Here's a video of some lesser known, but no less effective exercises.

You are only limited by your imagination!!

Food For Thought! -The Killer Within

2008-07-04T11:15:00.002Z

Where America goes, we follow.

The best ad on telly at the moment?

2008-06-11T15:55:00.003Z

Always makes me smile- Brilliant.

Kiss Me Hardy

2008-05-28T12:46:00.002Z

This year, in October, we celebrate the 203rd Anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar in which that Great National Hero, Admiral Horatio Nelson, took on, and beat our long-term adversaries, the snivelling Frenchies and their Spanish allies.But what would have been the case if the battle had taken place in October 2008 ?Picture the scene:...October 21st 2008 - Upper Poop-Deck - HMS Victory - 0700 hrsNelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."Hardy: "Aye, aye, sir."
N: "Hold on a minute, that's not what I dictated to the signals officer. What's the meaning of this?"
H: "Sorry sir"
N: (reading aloud) "England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?"
H: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid sir. We're an equalopportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
N: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
H: "Sorry sir, you're not allowed to smoke whilst on board ship. All naval vessels have been designated as smoke-free working environments."
N: "In that case, Hardy, break open the rum ration and we'll splice the main brace before the battle."
H: "The rum ration has been abolished, sir. It's all part of the Government's policy on Binge Drinking."
N: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it then. Full speed ahead."H: "I think you'll find there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water, sir."
N: "For fuck's sakes, man! We're on the verge of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all speed. Send a man to the crow's nest."
H: "Not possible, sir."
N: "What??"
H: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest sir. No harnesses, and they say that the rope ladders do not meet current regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
N: "Then get the ship's carpenter without delay."
H: "He's busy building a wheelchair access ramp to the fo'c'sle, sir."
N: "Wheelchair access ? I've never heard anything so absurd."
H: "Health and Safety again sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently-abled"
N: "Differently-Abled? I've only got one eye and one arm, and I refuse to hear mention of the phrase. I didn't get to be an Admiral by playing the disability card."
H: "Actually, sir, you did. The Admiralty was under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
N: "Whatever next? Give me full sail, the salt spray beckons."
H: "A couple of problems there too, sir. H&S won't let the men up the rigging without harnesses and hard hats, and they don't want them breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
N: " I never heard such infamy. Break out the cannons and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
H: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
N: "What? This is mutiny!"
H: "No, it's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of Legal-Aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
N: "How then are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
H: "Actually, sir, we're not"N: "What??"H: "No sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. And, according to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in these waters. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
N: Devil take it, Hardy. You must hate every Frenchy as you would hate the Devil himself."
H: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you say that, sir. You'll be up on a charge."
N: "You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of our King."
H: "Not any more, sir. We must all learn to be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, sir. It's the rules, and it could save your life."
N: "Don't tell me, Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
H: "As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu, and there's a ban on corporal punishment."
N: "What about sodomy?"
H: "I believe that it is now legal, sir."
N: "In that case, kiss me, Hardy."

Bruce Lee’s Top 7 Fundamentals for Getting Your Life in Shape

2008-03-28T10:09:00.002Z

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last 30 years I’m pretty sure you know who Bruce Lee was.

If you have, then you may be interested to know that Lee was a very famous martial artist and actor who sparked the first big interest of Chinese martial arts in the West in the 60’s and 70’s.

But besides being an awesome fighter and iconic figure Lee also had some very useful things to say about life.

Here are 7 of my favourite fundamentals from Bruce Lee.

1. What are you really thinking about today?

“As you think, so shall you become.”

Perhaps the most basic statement of how we work. Think about what you are thinking today. What do those thoughts say about you? About your life? And how well do they really match your plans for your life and your image of yourself?

It’s easy to forget abut this simple statement in everyday life. It’s easy to be quite incongruent with what you think on an ordinary day compared to how you view yourself and your goals. A simple external reminder such as a post-it with this quote can be helpful to keep you and your thoughts on the right track. An brilliant and beautiful expansion on this thought can be found in James Allen’s As a man thinketh (that can be downloaded for free here).

2. Simplify.

“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

If you want to improve your life then it’s tempting to want to add more. One problem with this may be that you don’t really have the time or energy to do more though. And so your efforts to improve become short-lived.

Adding more and more just creates more stress and anxiety. Removing clutter and activities, tasks and thoughts that are not so important frees up time and energy for you to do more of what you really want to do. And as the clutter in your outer world decreases the clutter in your inner world also has a tendency to decrease. This has the added benefit of making it easier to actually enjoy whatever you are doing even more while you are doing it.

Adding more thoughts and thinking things over for the 111:th time may create a sense of security. It’s also a good way to procrastinate and to avoid taking that leap you know you should take. And the more you think, the harder it gets to act. Perhaps because you want to keep that comforting sense of security and avoid the risk of wrecking that feeling.

Thinking has its place. It can help you plan a somewhat realistic route to your goal and help you avoid future pitfalls. Overthinking is however just a habit that will help you waste a lot of time. It’s more useful to replace that habit with the habit of just doing it.

3. Learn about yourself in interactions.

“To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”

The one person that is the hardest to get to really know may be yourself. Studying yourself while you are alone may result in some insights. But it’s also likely to produce a lot of made up thought loops and doubts in your mind. A good way to really learn more about yourself is study yourself in interactions with other people. How people react and act in these interaction can over time teach you a lot. And what you think and how you react can perhaps teach you even more.

What you see, feel and hear in other people may be a reflection of you. The things you learn by thinking this way may not always be pleasant, but they can be enlightening. They help you to see yourself and also how you may be fooling yourself. And these powerful insights can be very valuable for your personal growth. So, in interactions with others, try asking yourself: what is reflected?

4. Do not divide.

“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”

This is a very useful and powerful thought. It is also one that obviously is hard to live by. Why? I believe it’s because the ego loves to divide and find ways to “add more” to itself. It want’s to feel better than someone else. Or more clever. Or prettier. Or cooler. Or wiser.

How can you overcome this way of thinking and feeling?

To me it seems to boil down to not identifying so much with your thoughts or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you stop thinking or feeling. It just means that you realize – and remember in your everyday life – that the thoughts and emotions are just things flowing through you.

You are not them though.

You are the consciousness observing them.

When you realize and remember this it enables you to control the thoughts and feelings instead of the other way around. It also enables you to not take your thoughts too seriously and actually laugh at them or ignore them when you feel that your ego is acting out. When you are not being so identified these things you become more inclined to include things, thoughts and people instead of excluding them. This creates a lot of inner and outer freedom and stillness. Instead of fear, a need to divide your world and a search for conflicts.

To learn more about this I would recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books and signing up for the 10 free and excellent webcasts - available both in video and audio form – that he’s doing with Oprah right now.

5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”

The ego wants to add because it thinks it’s not enough. One way of doing that is by craving validation from others. We want to feel smart, pretty, successful and so on. And the validation makes you feel good for a while. But soon you need a new fix.

And the problem with being dependent on validation from other people is that you let other people control how you feel. This creates a rollercoaster of emotion in your life.

To find more emotional stability and to take control of how you feel you need to get your validation from to a more consistent source. Yourself. You can replace the expectations and validation of others by setting your own expectations and by validating yourself.

And so you validate yourself by thinking about how awesome you are. You don’t sell yourself short. You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in your abilities. These things will help you to build a habit of inner validation.

Now, showing off. Why do we do that? To get validation from others. However, this need for validation often shines through and that is why a thing like bragging seldom works. Instead of seeing the cool and successful person you are trying to project people just see the insecure and needy person looking for validation. And your bragging falls flat.

6. Be proactive.

“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”

It’s easy to get locked into a reactive mindset. You just follow along with whatever is happening. You do what the people around you do. You react to whatever is going on.

And so you get lost in your circumstances. This way of thinking doesn’t feel too good. You tend to feel powerless and like you are just drifting along.

A more useful and pleasurable way of living is to be proactive. As Bruce says: to create opportunities despite the circumstances around you. This feels better and provides better results. But on the other hand it’s also more difficult. It’s easier to just drift along in the reactive stream of life. And if you want to be proactive then you may have to take the lead quite often. And that can be scary.

Still, living proactively is so much more rewarding and exciting.

7. Be you.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

Just being yourself is a hard thing to do. You may do it sometimes. And other times you may forget or fall back into old thought patterns. Or you may imitate someone else.

And that comes through too. And it may work.

But I believe that being the real you will work better. Because there the genuine you is shining through. Without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness. It’s you to 100%. It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication - on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.

So I’m not saying: “yeah man, you should just be yourself because it’s the right thing to do etc.” I’m saying that I think being your authentic self – the one where you do little dividing, the one that needs little validation from others, the one where your ego is not running the show and trying to get something from someone – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuine and people really like authenticity.

Image by SabTomie.

2008-03-16T10:12:00.000Z

Guest Blog: Fundamentals of Success
Basics/Fundamentalsby Jim Rohn
"Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.
There are no new fundamentals. You've got to be a little suspicious of someone who says, "I've got a new fundamental." That's like someone inviting you to tour a factory where they are manufacturing antiques.
Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on Saturday night instead of one a day just isn't going to get the job done.
Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. It is the accumulative weight of our disciplines and our judgments that leads us to either fortune or failure."

20% down....
A fifth of 2008 has already passed.Are you on track with those New Years Resolutions? Are you on track with your goals?It's amazing how time passes so quickly.Don't waste a single second.If your goal is fat loss - start todayIf your goal is muscle building - start todayIf your goal is (insert anything here) - start TODAY !20% of this year is gone forever. Will you make changes TODAY or will another 20% pass, then another 20% -- and before you know it -- it's 2009.....Don't waste a single second. Start TODAY.

100 Realities.

2008-02-20T21:27:00.000Z

Guest Blog from Geoff Thomson

Know this: a small world, one that offers limitation as
staple, one that is circumvented by fear, one that has
guards of curtail at every exit is not reality - or should
I say it is reality, but just one of a hundred possible
realities.

A small reality is the product of a small under developed
mind.

And also know this: all monsters and mad-men and demons and
demigods and every demiurge, they come from the mind.

The weak body, the shit job, the poor wage and the putrid
future; they come from the mind too.

Bullies, bad men and ugly folk, trace them back and you
will find that they all stem from the mind.

The villain the vicious the vapid and the vainglorious, are
rotten apples that have fallen from the mind tree.

Depression comes from the mind.

So does the vanquished and the hemmed-in and the haggard.

The mind is responsible for all.

Don Juan Matus said that our reality is but a single room
in a house of a hundred rooms and with training we could
learn to access the other 99, in fact with training we
could actually get out of the house.

The 100 realties come from the mind.

The house comes from the mind.

The realities outside the house, they all come from the
mind.

But the mind is controlled by a gargoyle. The gargoyle is
called ego, and ego likes to feast on sense gluttony, it
spoils on food, drink, drugs, pornography, alcohol and
noise! And it thrives on limiting beliefs and doubt and
blame.

And small realities.

It likes small safe realities.

The ego comes from the mind.

So train the mind is the art of austerity and asceticism,
they are the anathema of ego, its harbinger of doom.

Foster perfect moderation, adopt self control and give
birth to integrity.

Build your foundation on famished ego, and build upon your
base large, expansive, palatial realties.

Once you control the mind you become the architect of all
that comes from the mind.

Because….everything comes from the mind.

Be well
Geoff Thompson.

Make your Blokes Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T09:18:00.004Z

I know, I know: Valentine's Day is all about women, and deservedly so. Women absolutely have earned the flowers, the cards, the love notes, the sensual kisses, and everything else they have coming on that day, aside from the typical three-hour restaurant wait.
The focus should be on women (not maitre d's). But as long as guys are chauffering the love limo on that night of nights, maybe we could take a look at what they might like, as a kind of side trip on the way to destination You? Consider this his wish list for the day. And relax. No chocolate boxes, fading roses, or £5 Hallmark cards will be necessary! But he'd love it if you'd offer up...
Romance Lite. He knows he better come up with innovative ways to show his affection. Some guys will go with a flowery card, some will pile on the rose petals, and some will even pull out their guitars and write a sappy song (thanks for making the rest of us look bad, guys).
He's not asking you to do any of that for him, but if he arrives at the office on Thursday to find an e-mail waiting with five examples of why you dig him, or if he receives an instant-message that launches a day-long e-flirtation, or if you interrupt his morning with a caress across the phone lines, then you've begun foreplay before you even get together, and your night will be a whole lot hotter because of it.
A Thank You-In Early March. If your man goes full tilt on Valentine's Day-dinner, with candles, a table-side violinist, and a special dessert from the kitchen, you won't have much of an opportunity to launch your own romantic agenda. He's already planned the big show.
But you are free to demonstrate your appreciation in a number of ways, and one of the best is by planning a darn good time for the two of you a few weeks later. A woman who takes the lead (especially in response to the man doing so) is one of every guy's greatest turn-ons.A Surprise. If you're planning to buy each other presents, consider buying him some underwear. But here's the twist: Buy lingerie for you to wear, but make it a dainty little nothing you know he'll love to see you barely wearing.
Wrap it up and present it to him as his gift. When he opens it, tell him you're going to wear it out that night. That way, the lingerie becomes the wrapping, and you're the sexy present he'll get to open up later. That gesture, and the night of romantic expectation it sets up, will supercharge your evening together.
A Steak. If you want your favorite diet meal , go ahead and choose your favorite place. (Agree to eat really early or really late, or you'll still probably be waiting for your starters on Feb 15!) But your man would also appreciate it if he could order a 10-ounce steak, and if you would take a few bites.
Red meat is a building block for testosterone, which is a libido booster for both of you. Not that the effects are instantaneous, but the promise of more testosterone down the line can rev you both up right now. You'd be amazed how good nutrition can revitalize your sex life - check out this red-hot menu of arousal. Get a peek at what guys think of the holiday with this hilarious and helpful Valentine's Day Survival Guide.

A sound financial lesson

2008-02-01T13:13:00.000Z

I have just read this on the motley fool website.It should be essential reading for everyone

How To Spend Less And Have More!

Read and absorb the lesson, it will change the way you think about money.

It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit...

2008-01-27T07:23:00.001Z

My Sons Gig

2008-01-24T20:42:00.001Z

My son Jordan played a gig at his college on Tuesday.Here is a rock star in the making!

Common Sense?

2008-01-22T15:51:00.000Z

Read this on the productivity 501 blog

Struck a cord, particularly in these turbulent financial times!!
(note I have slightly abridged the opening statement)

Help Me Understand the Subprime Mess

I don’t understand the subprime mess. I mean I understand the idea that if you try to loan a bunch of people money who are likely to default (bad credit, poor financial skills, etc.), then you have a high chance of them … well, defaulting. That part makes sense, but the way it is causing problems for banks doesn’t make sense to me.

So lets skip the whole part of the subprime mess where lenders gave loans to people who really shouldn’t have qualified for it at discounted rates that are now starting to reflect the true risk of their loan and triggering a bunch of foreclosures. That part I understand. That is the part we hear about.

Here are the two things I don’t understand:

Why does this matter to the banks that bought up the mortgages?
Where are all the cheap houses that are being foreclosed on?
So starting with the first question: Why is this hurting banks? Recently, Etrade sold several billion dollars worth of mortgages to Citadel for 28 cents on the dollar. That is a pretty steep discount and is supposed to reflect the fact that Citadel assumes that 72% of the original investment will just evaporate. What I don’t understand is why the liability is on Etrade (and now Citadel’s) shoulders. Every mortgage I’ve every had required mortgage insurance until I owned at least 20% equity. So either these were homes selling for $80,000 that they somehow got to appraise for $100,000 and thus didn’t not require mortgage insurance, these were special loans that didn’t require insurance, or the mortgage insurance is somehow packaged into the loan (which would make the mortgage insurance thing seem like even more of a rip off).

If mortgage insurance is involved then there should be a bunch of insurance companies getting into trouble instead of the banks that purchased the mortgages. More importantly, if the mortgages use the houses as collateral, then why does the bank think no one would be willing to pay more than 1/3rd of what the house last sold for? This brings me to my second question.

Second question: Where are all the cheap houses? For banks to start unloading their mortgage investments for less than 1/3rd of their face value they have to really be losing money. Keep in mind that the banks aren’t dealing with just one loan, they are dealing with thousands of loans. For a bank to say, “We have 1,000 mortgages for $100,000 each and for each of these loans we only expect to be able to collect $28,000.” is a pretty big step. That would mean that after the bank forecloses they are only able to recover $28,000 from a $100,000 house. Take into consideration that there are some people that won’t default and that means the average foreclosure will value a $100,000 house at less than $28,000.

So where are these homes? I can’t find anyone selling houses for that type of discount. Detroit has a bunch of run down houses for sale in the $30,000 range, but those weren’t ever $100,000 homes. I haven’t seen any real estate market in any part of the country where people are only will to pay no more than 1/3rd of the price a home went for in the last 4 or 5 years.

So what am I missing? Can anyone shed some light on my confusion? If banks are losing as much money as they say they are then someone should be getting a really good deal on houses. Is this happening in your part of the country?

Free Multi media blogging course

2008-01-16T09:27:00.000Z

I'm evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they're letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

The best blogging techniques.
How to get traffic to your blog.
How to turn your blog into money.

I'll let you know what I think once I've had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it's still free.

Insurance Claim Latest

2008-01-13T21:40:00.000Z

In the interest of fairness, and balanced reporting, I am happy to report that my insurance claim is being settled to the satisfaction of all concerned. I feel that if I didn't keep calling the claims department, I would probably still be waiting, but maybe Norwich union can look at how they contact people.The main thing is if you promise to call someone within 48 hours CALL THEM!! Don't make it as they have to chase you.

On another note:

I have an outstanding gripe with a magazine subscription offer, which I am still waiting for a gift to be sent to me as a thank you.Again I was told that someone would contact me within 2 days, which was a week ago.I am ready to name and shame, let's see what happens tomorrow!!

Now just so you don't think I am a moaning Git- here's some alternate definitions to some common words- enjoy

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

And Have you ever wondered:

When an agnostic dies, do they go to the "great perhaps"?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all
the difference between here and there?

Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at
fortune tellers take economists seriously?

If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra
would they get a four legged chicken with it's own barcode?

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Why is there always one in every crowd?

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

Is it possible to have deja-vu and amnesia at the same time?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Ironic

2008-01-12T15:49:00.000Z

Recieved this from my sister in law today, it gave me a smile, see what you think

Many thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat manure in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

I now scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

In fact all my money is gone but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program...

Or, I'll receive it from t he senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

And I dont go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to d ial a number and I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

This is the best nutrition advice you will ever get.

2008-01-04T12:45:00.000Z

Happy New Year. Here's a timely bit of advice!

This made a lot of sense to me. If you would like to find out more go to Josh Hillis's Blog

Stop looking at different diets

They aren't very different anyway.

If you consume less calories and higher quality food, you'll lean up. That is THE diet.

Everything else is just someone's unique expression of those concepts.

Or it's marketing B.S.

Either way, all you need to know is that you should consume less calories and higher quality food.

Your ultimate super advanced bonus diet tips: Drink more water and get more sleep.

Don't try a new diet this year.

Keep a food log.

Grade your food log on quantity and quality.

Stop buying diet books, start collecting cookbooks.

Eating Clean Cookbook.

Elimination Diet Cookbook

Eating For Life Cookbook

Start eating the meals that are in the books.

Pay careful attention to portion size.

Postulation And Cogitation

2007-12-24T09:32:00.000Z

Do you postulate?

Now before you slap my face for being rude, let me explain:

Postulate: to assume, assert or decide something is true; a prediction. For example, if you are sure you will exercise today, you postulate that you will exercise today. If you expect someone will succeed, you are postulating their success.

What do you postulate for others?

Think of someone at your work. What do you hope or postulate for him or her? Do you hope he or she will succeed? Fail? Stay out of your way? Do just a little worse than you?

When someone accidentally upsets you, what do you postulate for them? For example, while driving down the road a car cuts in front of you, scares you and makes you slam on your brakes. What do you postulate? Do you hope the driver has a rotten day? That the driver gets a speeding ticket?

When you look at strangers in a store, what do you think of them? What do you postulate? For example, when you see an overweight person, do you think, "What a lazy slob. I expect he will never be successful." Or do you think, "I hope he does well in life."

If you see a teenager covered with tattoos, what do you think? "She coordinates her tattoo colors with her shoes very nicely. She'll go far." Or maybe you think, "What a slut! She'll end up in jail."

What you may not know is that the postulates you have for others affect you.

I believe this is a quote from Ghandi:-

"Sit down at a public place where many people are passing by and simply postulate into them, above them, around them, perfection -- no matter what you see. Do this person after person as they walk by you or around you, doing it quietly and to yourself."

"This is simply a demonstration of a fact that he who lives believing wrong of all his fellow men lives, himself, in hell.

"The only difference between paradise on Earth and hell on Earth is whether or not you believe your fellow man worthy of receiving your friendship and devotion."

Does life seem like paradise or hell to you? If it's a little hellish at times, do you believe your fellow human beings deserve your friendship?

Take some time today and postulate perfection for others. Decide they are wonderful and perfect, just as they are. Look at them and expect they will succeed.

Try it with the people you know as well. Make a decision that your family members will all be happy and healthy. Postulate perfection into your friends and coworkers. Just decide.

Give it a try today. Give everyone around you a gift -- your postulate for their perfection.

If, as a result, life becomes more of a paradise for you, make this into a habit and you'll live in paradise every day!

In a stressfull, busy but ultimately magic time of the year, it seems good advice to me.

After my Postulations, I have been cogitating again. I think I need stronger tablets!!

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know we're already out of money?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the Fridge with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag ever opens from the end you try first?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

A topical Gag

2007-12-20T11:10:00.001Z

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.

"No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man asked, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered, and walked on.

But the woman insisted, "I know that felt like snow!"

To which the man replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Go on admit it you laughed!!!

Musings

2007-12-20T11:09:00.001Z

I bought a teddy bear for £10.00 and called it Mohammed, I then sold it for £20.

The question is have I made a prophet?

Do you think the Queen ever pulled her bed covers up, so just her heads showing and said, “Look at me Phillip, I’m a stamp”?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If a shop is open 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how does TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it, when you take out insurance, you find the thing you want to insure against is always excluded?

xmas survival

2007-12-18T13:55:00.000Z

Well as many of us prepare for the festive season, I feel it's my duty to inform you of some serious news. The average person will gain six pounds in weight over a ten day period. (I'm not quite sure of the figures, if you're not an average person!)

That's the bad news

However, I was reliably informed that the following advice will help us deal with our weighty issues

If you fatten up everyone else around you, you'll look thinner

If you have a diet drink with chocolate, the calories in the chocolate are cancelled out by the diet drink

Remember, foods with similar colouring have the same calories e.g. turkey and white chocolate

Hey if you still gain weight - don't blame me!

I've just read that £2.1 billion is expected to be put on credit cards this xmas.I'm not worried, my wife has had plastic surgery, I've cut hers up!!

Feeling Rough Over The Festive Season?
Be assured that no matter how awful you may look, or rough you may feel, you will never look as bad as you do in your passport photo!

With a week to go, people are starting to panic. I "nipped" in our local supermarket last night and saw 2 cases of road rage on the car park. I dunno what all the fuss is about, the shops are open on Boxing Day, cause they are scared they may have left you with a bit of money in your pocket!!

Any way in multicultural Britain, there's always a corner shop run by, shall we say, "an non christian denomination".

The best time at Christmas is @ 8-00pm Xmas Eve- the shops are shut and the light of my darkness can't send me on a wild goose chase for some exotic ingredient -( Dam you Nigella, Delia Jamie and all the other celeb chefs). A medicinal snifter and I can face the upcoming family meal with fortitude

As usual it will be a very traditional Christmas, with presents, crackers, door slamming and people bursting into tears

And finally
I realise people approach Christmas with different hopes and expectations. For me it's about football, food, faith ........................ er and family (Not necessarily in that order!) I appreciate it may be very different for you. But however you celebrate (if indeed you do) and whatever it's significance, I wish you moments of meaning, laughter and peace -

Remember the reason for the season

Oh For Simplicity

2007-12-13T10:15:00.000Z

Is it me or is nothing ever simple? The reason I ask is the pantomime that is my insurance claim. I won't say who the company is at the moment, in fairness, to give them a chance to redeem themselves, but let's just say you would think they would be based in Norfolk ( As in Norfolk 'n'good - say it out loud- you'll get the idea )

Apparently different departments need to communicate, and this is causing a hold up. Amazing innit? if I owed them money the company intranet, mobile phones and computers would be whizzing. They owe me money and it's 2 tins of marvel joined by a bit of string, or a carrier pigeon (that has yet to be bred) or the flamin' pony express.

As for the valuation for the claim, you'd think I was trying to claim for the crown jewels.

Up to yet I have made 10 phone calls, gone through the details on every call, and still they have not got a complete list of my belongings that were stolen. Without being xenophobic, it would help if the people I speak to spoke more than rudimentary grasp of English.One of the "advisors" told me I was claiming for a sinking ship?? I told him the only ship I'd sunk was in my bath

I have called 5 different departments, and have now taped my story onto my dictaphone ( although I usually use my finger to phone- boom-boom) The worrying thing is, my company has my Health Insurance with these idiots- God help me if I go in Hospital to have my tonsils out- they,ll probably turn the trolley round and leave me without a sausage

When I do get through to an English speaker, I just seem to be fobbed off, after a wait that has the chairman of BT booking his next Foreign jaunt for him and his Hareem on the proceeds.
(What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? -£3.99 a minute. )

Norwich Union you are Like My A**E

With any luck my claim will be settled by the New Year - 2010 maybe?

I need a laugh so here's a joke for today:

Every day a man walks up to one of his female colleagues while she’s at the coffee machine, inhales a massive breath of air and says “mmm , your hair smells really nice”. After a week, she complains to personnel, and puts in a sexual harrassment complaint. The personnel manager says “Whats wrong with that ,it’s a compliment?”

She replies “it’s John the dwarf”

Questions to ask yourself

2007-12-11T17:03:00.001Z

Recieved this in an e-mail from Peter Thomson of TGI Mondays I think it's quite relevant at this time of year:

Another 12 months has slipped by and as you and I look back over the last year it makes sense to think about what happened

Here are some to consider:

1. Is there anything I would do differently?

2. Is there anything I would repeat?

3. Is there anything I’ll avoid doing in future?

4. If I could have the whole year again – what would I change?

5. Is there anything I wish I had done?

6. Is there anything I wish I hadn’t done?

7. Is there an apology still unsaid?

8. Is there a goal still (as yet) unreached?

9. Is there an ‘I love you!’ to be repeated?

10. Is there a ‘thank you’ to be spoken?

11. Is there a celebration not yet celebrated?

12. Is there some more ‘me time’ to be booked?

13. Is there some more ‘them time’ to be booked?

14. Is there an achievement to be recalled with joy?

15. Is there a smile to be re-smiled?

16. Is there a hurdle still to be hurdled?

17. Is there a door still to be opened?

18. Is there a promise still to be kept?

19. Is there a goal that’s needs writing?

20. Is there an exposure that needs to be reduced?

21. Is there a skill to be learned?

22. Is there a book to be read?

23. Is there something to forget?

24. Is there a year to be remembered?

Would it be worthwhile taking just a few moments to answer them?

Tussle with a black cat??

2007-12-11T16:57:00.000Z

I'm beginning to wonder if i've run over a black cat! What a bloomin' week I've had, and it's only Tuesday.Last Thursday my roof sagged quite badly, so I call in a builder, who tells me- with the obligatory sharp intake of breath- he doesn't know how its holding up. Basically I need a complete new roof, and sharpish. Obviously not covered by Insurance, so he proceeds to quote me a price, but having a brother in the building game, I call him who get's someone he knows to come round and quotes me a price half of the previous one. Obviously he get's the nod , and that's now in hand.

Friday night, the in-laws come round, have a bite to eat, then proceed to switch channels between I'm a celebrity, and dancing with the stars finals, whilst proceeding to talk all the time, so no peace there then ( What's the difference between outlaws and in laws? out laws are wanted!!)

Saturday , the light of my darkness goes shopping and keeps the economy going single handed

Sunday we go to Cheshire oaks- an outlet village- cause I've got a fiver left in my wallet, and the sunshine of my life doesn't want to "miss the bargains" !! I jest slightly, but you get the general idea.
We're out all day, stop for a lovely late Sunday dinner, visit my dad and get home @ 9-00. I open the front door to find letters strewn across the floor and my lap-top and my son's ps2 game console missing, we've been burgled.
However looking on the bright side, they basically went through the house , picked up what they could and legged it. Not a bad haul though :

A lap top
Digital camera
game console
@ 20 dvd's
My brand new bottle of Lacoste aftershave- you know the one where the nude man runs around-(get's the missus going that one)
a handbag (with keys)
a couple of jewelry boxes- with a lot of sentimental things in from Jackies 21st birthday and from my late mother.
my sons wallett- no money in as normal!!

If I didn't laugh I'd cry, but luckily I'm insured, I had a couple of spare locks around the house, so changing them was a breeze, and they only slightly damaged a window to gain entry, which is covered by insurance. It could have been a whole lot worse. Still made us very jittery though, the feeling that some scumbag has been rummaging around is not nice.

I had to laugh when my missus asked if there were any sexy pictures of her on the computer, I replied if there were she was in trouble as she'd never posed for me!!

Any way I took yesterday off work-thanks to an understanding boss- to sort stuff out. Went back in today and dropped Jackie off at work, then promptly ran over a cyclist as I pulled out of her works carpark.
Luckily he wasnt injured, no damage to my car- just a buckled wheel on his bike, so thankfully no major harm done.

I feel like Ben Miller in "The worst week of my life"

Sitting Duck?

2007-12-07T10:45:00.000Z

Victoria Beckham has never been "that good at anything," she says.

"It became very obvious from the start that I was never going to be the best singer or the best dancer or the best actress," the 33-year-old Spice Girl and wife of soccer superstar David Beckham tells Elle magazine's US edition for its January issue.

"You know, I've never been that good at anything, to be completely honest."

( Taken her long enough to find out hasn't it?)

On the contrary, she is a natural when it comes to keeping herself in the media spotlight, from her cutting-edge haircut to her high-profile marriage.

"I'm so camp! I'm such a gay man trying to get out," she says. "I don't give a (bleep) what anybody thinks."

The Beckhams and their three young sons moved to Los Angeles this summer when her husband signed to play with the Los Angeles Galaxy.

"I'm very proud to be British, but here it's a lot more relaxed," she says. "It's the happiest as a family that we've ever been. I just love America."

She is now on tour with the newly reunited Spice Girls.

"I wanted my children to see that Mummy was a pop star," she says.

"It was the last opportunity for them to stand in a crowd full of people screaming for the Spice Girls."

The phrase "Shooting fish in a barrel comes to mind here, don't you think?

Absorb what is useful (Guest Blog)

2007-12-07T09:18:00.000Z

Absorb what is useful (Guest Blog)
Guest Blog from Senior RKC David Whitley:

Bruce Lee is often quoted as saying "Absorb what is useful".

But what does that mean exactly?

First of all, do not mistake this with "collect what you think is cool." or "do what you like". Absorb means absorb, not look at, read about or play with. It takes a LOT of effort to absorb something. It requires study, discipline and patience.

Let's look at the ENTIRE quote: "Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless, and add what is uniquely your own."

Here is how I make it work for me.

1. Decide what you want to do.

2. Find someone who is accomplished at what you want to do. Do what they did. Copy them until you get results.

3. Fine tune your approach as you figure out WHY it works and can explain it clearly and concisely. It is only at this point have you truly begun to "absorb" the material.

4. Continue to refine your behavior to match your goal, elimnating anything that is counterproductive or non-essential.

4. Learn to create variations based on your true understanding and knowledge of self. This is harder than it sounds. It requires an honesty of self that is so uncomfortable for most people that they give up.

5. Innovate. Make it your own. Completely your own.

Find something useful in this. Absorb it. Take action.

Goal Setting

2007-11-28T11:36:00.000Z

I love reading Alwyn Cosgrove's website, mostly because I always learn something new.He has another good article you should read in advance of January.

Read Alwyn's Goal Setting Article HERE

I believe in goal setting.From spiritual to family, performance to career, you should set goals to guide your improvement in every aspect of life.

Go read Alwyn's take on goal setting, and get started so you are ready for the best year of your life in 2008,

A Nice Sideline

2007-11-27T12:44:00.000Z

If you have your own website - and in my view every writer should - here's an opportunity to earn a little extra from it.This opportunity, Money4Banners, does not require any financial outlay. Rather, you are required to place three small advertising banners on three different pages of your website. In practice that just means copying and pasting a bit of code supplied by Money4Banners into your website HTMl.Assuming your site is approved - and it almost certainly will be - you will then receive a fee of 10 UK pounds ($20 US) on acceptance, and 5 UK pounds ($10 US) every month for as long as you keep the ads running. Payments can be taken either in cash (via Paypal) or in Amazon vouchers.I admit five pounds a month might not sound a fortune, but that's 60 pounds a year, every year, that you wouldn't otherwise have.In my case that's @ 4-5 free books a year from Amazon, basically for nothing.In the words of Derek Trotter - "You know it makes sense".

Something to think about

2007-11-25T15:18:00.000Z

The following is something to ponder…

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a
roof over your head and a place to sleep… you are richer than
75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, spare change in a dish someplace… you are among the top 8% of the wealthy.

If you woke up with more health than illness… you are more
blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the
loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation… you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death… you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married you are very
rare, even in Britain.

If you hold your head up high, with a smile on your face and are truly thankful… you are truly blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can, hold someone’s hand, hug them, or even touch them on the shoulder… because you can offer a healing touch.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

As you read this and are reminded how life is in the rest of the world, remember just how blessed you really are!

Author unknown

A black Day for English Football

2007-11-22T17:18:00.000Z

Well, what a farce.England have failed to qualify for a major tournament for the first time since 1994.I believe it is a combination of things:
Lack of interest/investment at grass roots level
The huge influx of foriegn players in the premier league.In October a survey was taken on teams in the premiership, 175 players were "of foriegn extraction" 75 were English
Too many games played
Too much emphasis on the champions league and the colossal amounts of money generated in that competition.
Lack of direction in the management team
Lack of available days for preparation, and in some cases preparing foolishly eg the "Friendly" in Austria on Friday.
I don't begrudge the players the money they earn, no -one would turn around and say pay me less,however it really gets to me when there is a lack of passion pride and commitment when they play for the national side.
Where do we go from here? upwards hopefully

Is this the worst invention ever?

2007-11-21T13:40:00.000Z

Just been reading about a new alarm clock called Clocky,developed by some students at MIT, the American Engineering University. Basically when the time comes, it shrieks, jumps off your night stand and starts running around the room making R2D2 noises.

The idea is that you have to get up to turn it off. On the positive side of things, it will make you get up and move around a bit so you’ll be awake. On the negative side, it may put you in a very bad mood. I heard that someone was designing something similar that would fly above your bed until you swat it down. Waking up to a giant electronic insect isn’t my idea of waking up right.

A small two wheeled robot running around the floor sounds only marginally better, but I suppose if it gets you out of bed on time, it might be well worth any annoyance. Missing important meetings is probably going to put you in a worse mood than a run around your bedroom first thing in the morning. Only in America!!

I'd take a baseball bat to bed, and first time the thing started running around my boudoir, I'd bat the thing through the window.

Talking of getting up, I've had a terrible morning. I put my shirt on, a button fell off. Fastened my shoes, a lace broke! Picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off. I haven't dared go toilet!!!

Is it possible?

2007-11-16T11:41:00.000Z

Everyone knows spot reduction is impossible, right?
Well, guess again!
One of Australia’s top fat loss researchers published a study showing that interval training burns belly fat specifically. So if you are looking to lose inches from your waist, you have to add interval training to your workout program. Fortunately, you can drop the slow cardio, add intervals, and still save time from your workouts. Here’s why.
The Australian study compared a 20-minute interval training workout (done 3x’s per week) against a 40-minute slow cardio workout (also done 3x’s per week). Women did the workout for 15 weeks, and only the interval group lost belly fat. The cardio group got practically no results at all.
So spot reduction is possible, as long as you don’t expect slow cardio or endless crunches to do the trick. Instead, you need to use interval training. According to Professor Steve Boucher, the Australian co-author of the latest interval training study to show intervals work better than slow cardio, “high intensity intermittent exercise may result in greater fat loss in the abdomen”.
Basically, interval training burns stomach fat first, over all other sources of fat on the body.
Now we all have heard that spot reduction doesn’t work. If you haven’t, here is the story. For some reason, many people think that by doing tons of crunches, they will burn stomach fat. Unfortunately, that just isn’t true.
In fact, Boucher quotes the following example…
“…researchers have examined the fat content of elite tennis players’ racket arm. The logic here is that if a tennis player uses his racket arm much more than his other arm then the fat content should be less. Racket arms of tennis players usually possess greater muscle and bone mass but similar fat levels.”
So here’s the odd thing about Boucher’s theory…Notice that he’s not claiming sprint interval training done on a bike will burn more fat around your legs. Instead, he’s claiming that interval work done by your legs will lead to a spot reduction of fat from around the belly. Completely backwards to what the beginner exerciser thinks. Boucher also says this interval program will work really well in men with lots of abdominal fat – so its not just for women.
So why do the intervals work so well?
Boucher believes it has something to do with the increase in hormones called “catecholamines” (adrenaline is a catecholamine hormone). These increase after intervals, but not after slow cardio.
Catecholamines are a fat burning hormone and there are a lot of catecholamine receptors in belly fat … so he seems to think the elevated fat burning hormones from intervals ends up leading to targeted belly fat burning.
Interesting theory … we’ll see if they do more research and are able to confirm that belly fat burning hypothesis. Regardless, its great to see studies showing intervals to be more effective for losing stomach fat than slow cardio workouts.
Surprisingly, Boucher recommends stationary cycling as one of the best ways to burn fat with intervals. I know, and research shows that using both resistance training and interval burns more fat than slow cardio workouts.
Boucher also recommends a Mediterranean diet (lots of fruits and vegetables)

So there you go … Turbulence Training years ahead of this study, but supported by the latest scientific research and the expert’s hypothesis. And don’t forget, Boucher and his group didn’t even throw in the Turbulence Training resistance training exercises … that probably would have resulted in even more belly fat burning and loss of stomach fat.
So forget about hour-long stationary cycling workouts when you can get the same or more fat-burning benefits in 20 minutes. Exercise intensity is the most important factor determining post-exercise energy expenditure and fat loss success!
After a 5-minute warm-up, follow this sample beginner’s protocol:

• Start at 15 seconds of intense effort (90% of your maximal pace).
• Follow that with “active rest” (~30% of your maximal pace) for 2 min.
• Perform 3-6 intervals.
• Finish with 5 minutes (or longer) of moderate intensity exercise.

As you become more advanced and accustomed to intervals, progress to:
• Increase your intensity to 95-98% of maximal pace (always hold a little back).
• 30- to 60-second intervals with only 30- to 60-seconds active rest.
• Try to keep your active rest the same length or longer than your work interval.
• Perform 6-12 intervals per session.
• Finish with 5 minutes (or longer) of moderate intensity exercise.
Interval training is the best cardio to burn belly fat and help with spot reduction of stomach fat over your ab muscles.

Sartorial Elegance and Me

2007-11-13T23:52:00.001Z

I am a confused man tonight! Just been sort of watching Trinny and Susannah, I really should have paid more attention.From what I understand, they want to smarten up the British male. Now I don't mind shopping to a certain extent, although my wife,the light of my darkness, could turn it into an Olympic event. I must have a masochist streak in me, because I'm not the standard shape.

I have a 20" neck, 54" chest and a 46" waist,so jackets off the peg are rarer than rocking horse poo, and usually if they fit in the chest, the arms are way too long.It was nice when I was in America, as only being xxl shirt, I was almost anorexic. I always say I am Bulimic amnesiac, I binge but forget to throw up. I've taken medical advice, the doctor asked if my size is down to drink, but I told him it was because of my feet. I can't keep'em out of the pantry!!

I also went for liposuction, but it was on blow instead of suck

Anyway Trinny (way too thin if you ask me, get a good tater dinner down you girl)and Susannah,(just how a woman should be, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for breaking wind!!) reckon there are 6 male types, i.e.

1) Thick neck (see above) Wear Big deep collars/v neck jumpers/unbuttoned shirts/scarves/ goatees

2) Man boobs - wear prints,not plain,vertical stripes on shirts/vertical layering/pockets on shirts

3) Beer Belly ( not beer in my case, but you get the idea) Wear loose t shirt/low waist jeans/dark t shirt under a light top/scarves/one colour top & jeans

4) Short legs ( forgot to mention, 5tft 10" with a 29" inside leg) Wear all one colour/layered tops/flat top shoes/shoe and trouser colour to match/vertical stripes

5) Skinny - Wear short sleeve shirts/ skinny jeans/suit jackets

6) Top heavy (see above) Wear boot leg trousers/long scarves/fitted 2 button jackets/small pattern shirts/t shirts

Talk about feeling a freak,I'm now looking for a big collared shirt that is plain with stripes, and pockets,with the same colour trousers-(bootcut) and matching shoes, and a scarf with a goatee!!

I did shop at Mr Big,a store for the "big and tall man", once.I walked in and the assistant said "I can see why you shop here sir".

He got the reply

"yep it's a bind being so tall"

He then proceeded to measure me up,and shout my vital statistics to another assistant, so much for discretion.What with that and the 68" waist swimming trunks pinned on the wall, (they looked like the sail from a wind surfer) I beat a hasty retreat

I'm also having recurring nightmares about the time I walked into next and said,
"Do you have anything in my size?"

and got the reply

"If we have,someone is getting the sack!!".

I also want to know why most trousers for the larger man are made of polyester,if you walk more than 20 yards in them, you generate enough electricity to keep Blackpool illuminations going for a week. Polyester should be banned under the Geneva convention

The wisdom of Alwyn Cosgrove

2007-11-13T10:09:00.000Z

You can't argue with this.Alwyn is probably the most in demand personal trainer in the world.When he talks, I always listen, because there is always something to learn

Here are a few basic truths about fat loss that no one really wants to hear:

Think about the foods that you are about to consume. Are they going to bring you closer to your goal? Or will they make you feel like crap and take you farther away from what you want? Yeah, I know that when you were younger before you had kids you could eat blah, blah, blah and not gain weight. Too bad. Times have changed.
You do not need something sweet to finish your meal. This is a conditioned response from your childhood days when cleaning your plate meant ice cream. “Need” something sweet? Do you realize how much you just ate? You don’t need anything. Dessert is not a physiological need for survival. It is just a bad habit. Habits can be broken. You do not need the cheesecake.
Cookies, doughnuts, and muffins are crap food choices. You can't ever justify eating them on a regular basis. And low carb, fat-free cookies, doughnuts, and muffins are still crap. Don't kid yourself.
Yes, you can eat fast food. It's called grilled chicken sandwiches or a turkey sub, Jarod. Fries? No. And you do not need to “super size” for an extra 50 cents.
If you want to eat whatever you want, you have two choices.
1) Move a lot. A LOT.
2) Gain weight, get fat, accept it, and stop complaining.

Can you really train effectively at home?

2007-11-12T23:44:00.000Z

By using only dumbell and bodyweight exercises, you can burn fat and get lean at home. You don't need fancy machines or pricey equipment to lose stomach fat.

If you have dumbells, you can do even more exercises, and increase the challenge of your bodyweight exercises. If you don't want to go to a workout center anymore, then don't worry, you can burn fat at home.

Plus, by exercising at home, you'll get your workouts done in the same amount of time as it would take to drive to the gym and back. Talk about a time saver!

Here are 27 exercises you can do at home to lose fat and build muscle, helping you burn belly fat and get 6-pack abs.

By putting these exercises together into supersets, you can get a total body resistance training workout done in only 20 minutes. Follow that up with 15-20 minutes of interval training, and you'll have the best belly fat burning workout you can do in only 45 minutes.

Boring aerobic exercise is not necessary for fat loss. Let's take a look at these fat burning, minimal equipment exercises you can do in a small space in your own home.

Here are the lower body exercises you can do to boost your metabolism and build a better butt and legs.

1. Squats

2. Stability Ball Leg Curls (don't worry, these stability balls are super cheap, and you can get them for only $20 at almost any department store)

3. Lying hip extensions

4. Lying single leg hip extensions

5. Split Squats (aka. the stationary lunge)

6. Split Squats with your back foot elevated 6 inches

7. Reverse Lunges

8. Forward Lunges

9. Stepups

10. 1-Leg Squats

Many of those calorie-burning exercises can be done with dumbells as well, if you need to increase the challenge. If you want to build muscle, you'll need to use dumbells as well.

There are many more lower body exercises you can do without machines. And its the same story with upper body exercises as well.

To work your arms and your chest, you can do all sorts of pushups.

1. Regular pushups

2. Close-grip pushups

3. Pushups with your feet elevated

4. Pushups with one hand elevated

5. My favorite, most difficult pushup, "Spiderman Pushups"

6. And beginners can start with either Incline Pushups or Kneeling Pushups.

If you have a bench and a set of dumbells, you can do...

1. Dumbell chest presses

2. Dumbell incline presses

3. Dumbell shoulder presses

And there are many variations of those you can do as well.

Training your back is trickier when exercising at home. If you have an adjustable pullup bar, you can do:

1. Inverted Bodyweight Rows (aka. Reverse Pushups)

2. Chinups

3. Pullups (these are overhand grip and harder than chinups)

Of course, I'm leaving out many variations of these fantastic exercises.

If you don't have a bar, you need to use dumbells, and can do:

1. Dumbell Rows (there are probably a dozen different ways to do dumbell rows)

2. Dumbell Rear-Deltoid Raises

Finally, we'll finish with ab training exercises you can do at home. Let's ignore situps and crunches, since they aren't the best use of your time, and can damage the low back.

I avoid crunching type ab exercises in my programs and use static endurance exercises, like:

1. Planks (and side planks)

2. Mountain Climbers

3. Stability Ball Jackknives

4. Stability Ball Rollouts

5. The Ab Wheel (yes, this infomercial gadget is actually useful!)

So that's at least 29 fat burning exercises you can do at home. But in fact, simple variations in technique, or adding dumbells, or changing hand position can actually give you 101 exercises you can with this list to help you burn belly fat and sculpt your body.

If you want to burn belly fat at home, then download the free report, "The Dark Side of Cardio" from www.TurbulenceTraining.com. Men's Health expert Craig Ballantyne gives you dozens of fat burning exercises to lose stomach fat and sculpt your body at home.

A Question for you

2007-11-12T14:07:00.000Z

We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.

This is really an eye opener!

WATER

1. 75% of the UK population are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.)

2. In 37% of all the UK population, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

COKE

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or coke???

I know what I 'd prefer

Mistakes Good or Bad?

2007-11-05T17:19:00.000Z

If you're afraid to make a mistake - you're interferring
with the very process that makes you successful. This is
a tough lesson for so many people to learn. Mistakes are
not the end of the world; they're your ticket to a whole new
life.

I remember one evening I sat at home with my son, Jordan, talking
about what it takes to get good at anything. He was about six,
but he was thirsty for knowledge.He's also always had a powerful self-image, probably from being an only child.

'Tell me about something you hadn't used to be able
to do?' I asked. 'Something that used to be hard for you but now
it's easy.'

'Throwing a ball,' he immediately said.

'Okay, what else?'

'Catching a ball.'

'And ...?'

'Writing.'

'Okay, good. Can you think of anything else?'

'Hmmm,spelling.'

'Any idea how many things you've forgotten? How about learning to roll over, to crawl, to stand, to walk, to run, to get dressed, to feed yourself, and so on.'

Jordan looked at me with eyes wide with wonder
"These things once were very difficult for you. You
struggled with them. You made lots of mistakes. Yet now
you can do them a lot, lot easier, right?'

'Right.'

'Do you know what this means?' I asked. 'It means that anything
you want to learn, the same rules will apply. At first you'll make
mistakes. You'll struggle. Then you'll make fewer mistakes because
the mistakes are teaching you WHAT to do. Then, if you pay attention like you have so far, you'll be able to do the new thing, too. It's as simple as that. But if you whine and complain and cry about your mistakes, you'll never get anywhere. You'll think poorly about yourself and you'll get results that you don't want .'

I talked with Jordan a bit more about the value mistakes
have in life - and I reinforced those words over and over again.

Of course, this is only a lesson for six-year old kids. I don't
know of a single adult who could benefit from this knowledge!!

Do You?

I think all of us can.

Don't fear mistakes. Use them as the corrective feedback
they truly are. Mistake lead to greatness - but only if you
stop judging them as bad.

The best way to burn fat

2007-11-01T17:12:00.000Z

Do you know the best way to burn belly fat?

it's a shock to most men and women

Even most personal trainers usually guess, "Crunches", "Situps", or "aerobic cardio" as the best way to lose stomach fat. But none of those work best, or even work at all!

The truth is cardio is not the best way to burn fat.

In fact, I've met very few people who have successfully used cardio to lose stomach fat. And most of those people were young men, and anything works for them when they want to burn fat.

If you want to lose stomach fat fast, you need to increase the intensity of your workout by using both resistance training and interval training to lose stomach fat.

In fact, I often get asked, What's the best way to burn fat? Do aerobics work better than interval training? Can I workout at home to lose my love handles? Does resistance training help at all? What should I eat to lose stomach fat?

While bodybuilders and young guys without any cares in the world can spend an hour a day on cardio - and sometimes get results - men and women who only have 45 minutes, 3 times per week for exercise just can't depend on slow cardio workouts to burn belly fat.

Australian researchers, such as Professor Steve Boucher, even believe that interval training can lead to a spot reduction of belly fat. That's something that no amount of abdominal training can do.

What's the perfect workout plan to get you maximum fat burning results in minimum workout time?

Here are the keys. First, start with a circuit of bodyweight exercises to prepare your body for a fat burning workout. This should only take 5 minutes.

Follow that up with supersets of resistance training using multi-muscle exercises for maximum metabolism boosting. This works so much for post-exercise calorie burning than slow cardio workouts. That will lead to more belly fat burning as well.

After 15 minutes of resistance training, finish with 15-20 minutes of interval training. Use a warmup, then do a few intervals, and then cool-down. You don't need a lot of intervals to get great fat burning results.

With that workout schedule, you'll be in and out of the gym in 45 minutes, three times per week.

Men and women love the fast fat burning results they get from short burst exercise sessions. Your body was not meant to run marathons. Instead, it was meant to perform quick bursts of exercise, and that is why resistance training and interval training sculpt a better body than long, slow cardio.

Compare that to what most people do, which is run, jog, cycle or use the cardio machines for 45 minutes straight. Sure, that will burn calories, but it doesn't build a better body.

The best way to lose stomach fat is to use the following three exercise methods.

1) Bodyweight circuit training to warm-up the body

2) Resistance training supersets to boost the metabolism

3) Interval training to burn belly fat

Put those three, short exercise methods together to lose stomach fat fast!

Click here to find out more

Be Free From Back Pain

2007-10-28T11:28:00.000Z

You've got back pain.

You can't bend over. You can't play with your kids or grandkids. You can't play golf. You can't even do your regular routine around the house. The long commute to work is killing you. You sit at your desk in gnawing pain, and you need to get rid of it.

Here's how...

First and foremost, you need to see an expert to determine the cause and solution of your back pain. This is not something to be ignored. Ask around the gym or the office for a referral to a physio or a chiropractor. Then see your doctor and get help as soon as possible.

Second, you need to find the cause of your pain and eliminate it.It usually means you have a bad bed, a poor office workstation setup, or a bad exercise program.Remove the offending activity that is crippling you with back pain.

In the gym there are many ways that you might make the back pain worse,fortunately, there are also many ways to help reduce your back pain

Never round your back. So that means no situps, no crunches, no picking up weights off the floor with a rounded back, and no rowing exercises performed with a rounded back. Be diligent with your form in all squats, rows, deadlifts, etc. If in doubt, skip the exercise.

Now picking up weights off the floor - that's where you see some of the ugliest form in the gym. So don't think that because it's "not really part of your exercise" that you can use poor posture when you are moving weights around the gym. Follow these rules when lifting for proper form:

- Increase your abdominal endurance with exercises like the plank and side plank

- Brace your abdominals (clench them tight) in every exercise

- Keep your low back in a proper alignment by keeping a slight arch in the low back in all exercises

Follow these rules and you'll be able to exercise safely.

The Turbulence Training program comes with torso training workouts that will help you build muscle endurance and reduce your risk of back pain. Being overweight is another cause of back pain (and knee pain too). So you need to get on a fat loss program that works and takes care of your back at the same time. And that's where a good, and safe, fat burning workout comes in.

Use proper form, build your abdominal endurance and you'll avoid back pain (while getting closer to that ever elusive 6-Pack.

Learn how to lose body fat and avoid back pain by doing the right type of exercises. Discover all of this information in the free report called, The Dark Side of Cardio Here

Craig Ballantyne's interval training workouts have helped thousands of men and women with weight loss and fat burning in less than 45 minutes three times per week. Craig's home workouts help you lose fat without long, slow cardio sessions or fancy equipment. Craig's bodyweight exercises help you lose fat without any equipment at all.

How To Set Fitness Goals

2007-10-16T11:17:00.000Z

-

We’ve all heard the old proverb ‘a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step’ right?

The moral is that in order to achieve anything in life we have to take some small action toward making it happen.

Seems like sound and logical advice on the most part, but a word of caution.

That one small step could be all it takes to ensure the failure of all of your health and fitness efforts.

Especially if that step is in the wrong direction!

You see, most new and returning exercisers set out with good intentions and a list of ‘wishes’ without ever giving a thought to planning or setting realistic goals.

They simply join a gym and begin a diet with the intention of ‘getting fit’ or ‘losing weight’ and then feel disillusioned a couple of months later when neither result is achieved.

This sets in place a vicious cycle of failure where negative results create negative thoughts and feelings which, in turn, perpetuate the negative results.

And on, and on and on…

If you really want to see some real success and actually achieve your goals for a change, then follow these 4 simple steps:

Define your aim – Merely stating that you wish to ‘lose weight’ or ‘get fit’ is of little value when setting your health and fitness goals. These definitions are far too broad and are relatively meaningless and as such hold very little power to motivate us.

Instead you need to define what these terms mean.

Is getting fit running a mile?

Completing the marathon?

Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro?

Does losing weight involve losing 15lbs of total weight or 10lbs of body-fat?

Can you see the difference in the approach?

In the first instance we are merely ‘getting fit’ whereas in the second we are completing the marathon. This creates a situation where we now have a specific target to aim at along with an actual measure from which we can ascertain our current level of success.

If you want to stay motivated and on track then stating your specific aim is the best way to assure your success.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE THIS YEAR?

Define your purpose – Whilst many people have found some level of success with the first step, there are still many who set their goals specifically and yet still fail to achieve them.

Invariably, when assessing why success was not forthcoming there always seems to be the feeling that the goal was not worth the effort required to achieve it. For this reason it is important to determine from the outset ‘WHY am I doing this thing?’

You see, without this sense of purpose there will always be a lack of passion or compelling reasons to stay with the goal when the going gets tough.

Conversely, those people who exhibit a great sense of purpose are always more willing to find a way when the odds are stacked against them. The difference is passion!

WHY DO YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE THIS? (What makes it so important to you?)

Define the territory and plan the route – Even if you know where you want to get to and why you want to get there, it’s still a good idea to plan HOW you’re going to achieve the goal.

This is somewhat like planning a route on a map.

You may well be able to locate the destination on the map, but if you don’t know where you’re starting from you’ll never know which turns to take in order to get there and so you’ll be more likely to get lost along the way.

In terms of health and fitness, it’s a good idea to find out where you’re starting from by taking measurements, photographs and maybe testing your fitness with a run, some pushups or some other test relevant to the goal.

This will enable you to determine where you are relative to the end goal and allow you to plan the following weeks and months of training accordingly. In addition, you’ll be able to perform these tests at 4-6 week periods to find out how well you’re doing and adapt your approach if it’s not working.

WHERE ARE YOU IN RELATION TO THE GOAL? What do you need to do in order to get from where you are now to your final destination?

Take massive and consistent action – Even when all of the above steps are completed, it’s all for nothing if you fail to do anything to actually make progress toward your goal. You have to DO SOMETHING! And the bigger the better!

You see, sometimes it’s the small things that stop you from achieving the big things in life. Small things like habits exert an immense influence upon our lives and create a ‘gravitational pull’ every time we try to break free of them.

For this reason it’s often a good idea to smash a habit by taking massive action at the start of your new health and fitness ‘habit’. Don’t just ‘start a diet’, change your lifestyle!

But we all know that large actions aren’t always sustainable don’t we?

This is where consistency becomes important. It’s the ‘little things’ that we do everyday that determine our success in any endeavour and so our efforts need to focus on doing the right little things everyday.

For example, a single workout will produced few if any gains in muscle tone or fitness, but perform that same workout on a regular basis and you create a powerful habit that will practically guarantee your health and fitness success. This is the power of the little things!

WHAT MASSIVE ACTION ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE?

WHAT LITTLE THING CAN YOU DO EVERY DAY?

There you have it.

These four steps are simple yet very effective and are the blueprint for practically every successful person you’ve ever read or heard about.

Follow them for six months and you’ll be astounded at what can be achieved.

I guarantee it!

2 Sales Secrets That Can Improve Your Personal Life

2007-10-11T11:29:00.000Z

"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."

Winston Churchill

If you could spend a day in the offices of today’s most successful businesspeople, you’d find that they rely on a few surprisingly simple secrets to make more sales than their competition. And you can use the same techniques yourself - not only, as you would expect, to grow your own business, but also to gain prestige, increased respect from family and friends, and lots more of the things you want out of life.

Today, I’m going to show you how.

When we learn techniques that help us become better marketers, most of us don’t think about using them outside the realm of "work." But consider this…

When you want to talk a friend into eating at your favorite restaurant, your spouse into seeing the movie you want to see, or even a neighbor into pitching in on trimming the trees on your property line, you want that person to see things your way. Right? It’s a lot like the challenge a salesperson faces when trying to convince you to buy whatever it is that he’s selling, don’t you think? Well, just like a salesperson, when you use proven marketing techniques to persuade people to accept your ideas, you’ll hear that wonderful word "yes" far more frequently.

For example, Shawn M.’s neighborhood school marching band was invited to Washington, D.C. to participate in the National Memorial Day parade. As you can imagine, the kids, parents, and teachers were excited. After all, they were the only school in the whole state that got an invitation. But there was one big problem. Sending the band would cost $60,000 - and the school wasn’t about to foot the whole bill. Neither were most of the parents. It looked like the trip might not happen… until Shawn stepped in.

She knew that local corporations often sponsor community events and have a budget just for that purpose. So she decided she was going to get some of those funds for the band. While she could have just asked several companies for the money - and probably would have gotten some donations - she used two powerful marketing secrets and was far more successful.

Secret #1: Talk to the Heart, Not the Head

Every great marketer knows that people buy things for emotional rather than logical reasons. Most of the decisions people make are emotional too - including whether or not they will buy into someone else’s ideas. When you can tug at their heartstrings by figuring out how doing what you want them to do will make them feel good, they’ll follow you just about anywhere… and oftentimes give you exactly what you want.

In the letter Shawn wrote to solicit money for the trip, she didn’t say much about the National Memorial Day parade. Instead, she talked about the kids in the band. She wrote about their hard work. All the long hours they’d spent practicing just to win that coveted invitation. She also reminded the companies of the great publicity they’d get just for helping.

And thousands of dollars in corporate sponsorships came pouring in!

While Shawn won accolades from the band members, their parents, and staffers at the school, the companies that contributed money for the trip were just as thrilled with their decision to help out. They not only felt like heroes, they also enjoyed plenty of free publicity.

That’s another bonus of using this secret when you’re trying to convince someone to do something. Considering their point of view not only helps you get the "yes" you’re looking for - they get something out of giving you that "yes" Which means that everyone involved is happy.

Give this technique a try, and you’ll see how effective it is. Whether you’re talking to the other person or writing a letter, just remember to speak to the heart, not the head. Simply ask yourself three questions to get started:

1. What emotions is this person feeling about this topic?
2. What are this person’s emotional wants and needs?
3. How can I satisfy them?

Secret #2: Create a Picture

You probably already know that one of the most important aspects of selling is to show your customer the benefits of your product. And the best way to do that is to paint a dynamic picture for him with words. That’s what today’s leading marketers do all the time. Well, you can also use this technique to convince another person to "see" the benefit of doing something your way.

Let’s say you want to convince your spouse to head to Europe for the summer. To paint your picture, you might describe what it would be like to spend an afternoon sprawled out on a chaise next to the ocean in Cannes… or dining on freshly baked bread and homemade pasta at a candlelit dinner in a vineyard in Tuscany. Just like an artist, you would add layer after layer of colorful details.

Shawn did something similar in her letter. For example, instead of just saying, "Hey, you’ll get some super publicity if you sponsor the school’s band trip to Washington," she showed the companies all the publicity they’d get. She described how, while the band marched on national television, they would be carrying a banner with the company’s name on it… for millions to see. And how, when the local newspaper reported the story, they would mention that it was the company’s generous sponsorship that made the experience possible for the kids.

Getting the - pardon the pun - picture?

Whether you’re writing a letter to a business or talking to a friend, neighbor, or relative, use the secret of creating a picture to show them - literally - what’s in it for them if they do what you want them to do. Start by asking yourself two questions:

1. What’s the benefit (or benefits) to this person of giving me what I’m asking for?
2. How can I best illustrate this in a verbal picture?

When you use both secrets together - talking to the heart and creating a picture - you’ll see how easy it is to motivate people to take the actions you want them to take… to accept your ideas… and, like Shawn, to support causes that are important to you.

This article appears courtesy of Early To Rise, the Internet’s most popular health, wealth, and success e-zine. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.earlytorise.com.

What Words Sell Best?

2007-10-11T11:10:00.000Z

"He who wants to persuade should put his trust not in the right argument, but in the right word. The power of sound has always been greater than the power of sense."

Joseph Conrad

What Words Sell Best?
By Bob Bly

For several years, car manufacturers have been proactively marketing sales of used vehicles with ads touting "certified pre-owned vehicles." These are used cars that have been thoroughly inspected and come with a warranty equivalent to that of a new car (or close to it).

A few weeks ago, I heard a radio commercial for Toyota, which has jumped into this market. But instead of calling their used cars "pre-owned vehicles"… they call them "used cars"!

Now I admire plain-speaking people and honest, forthright language… and "used car" fits that bill better than "pre-owned vehicle." On the other hand, there’s a reason Montblanc sells "writing instruments" - and the reason is, no one wants to pay $100 for a "pen."

So what do you think? Will Toyota’s honesty be rewarded by consumers with more sales? Or are they shooting themselves in the foot by not advertising "pre-owned vehicles"?

I don’t know the answer. No one knows the answer to any marketing question until they test it. But there’s one thing I do know…

The words you choose for your marketing copy can make a big difference in how well it performs.

Or, to put it another way: Semantics sell.

Here’s a great example…

A number of years ago, when Clinton was still in office, I was driving in the D.C. area, where I almost always get lost. As I desperately tried to find K Street, I heard a radio commercial for American Spectator, the conservative magazine. The commercial said that if you called a toll-free number to subscribe, you would get a free premium - a special report titled "Inside the Clinton White House."

I didn’t call, but I am pretty sure that American Spectator, as is typical of magazines, put together this special report by assembling reprints of a few articles they’d done on Clinton during the year.

Listen to the words. "Special report" sounds important and exclusive… like something you’d want to have. And the title - "Inside the Clinton White House" - sounds juicy.

On the other hand, what if the radio commercial had closed with, "So call toll-free today to subscribe… and we’ll give you a bunch of past articles ripped out of old issues of the magazine and stapled together"?

I can’t imagine the phone ringing off the hook for that one.

Another example of the power of words in marketing is the old comic book ad with the headline "Enter the wonderful world of amazing live sea monkeys… open a bowl full of happiness - instant pets!"

The ad pictured a happy underwater family of cute, friendly creatures - a mom, dad, and kids - cavorting outside the family castle… presumably in a fish bowl… as a human youngster and his human parents (who had purchased the sea monkeys) look down in delight.

Well, if you took the bait and mailed in your money, what you got was a plastic vial full of dried brine shrimp eggs… with instructions to hatch them in warm, salty water. When mine hatched, they looked nothing like the handsome sea monkey family in the ad. They were little dots moving around in a bowl of water.

Yes, words have power. And the words you choose for your advertising decide a lot about what people think of you, your company, your product, and your offer… especially whether they want to buy or try it.

No one wants brine shrimp eggs. But "instant pets" and "amazing live sea monkeys"? I’m in!
One last example…

My colleague Gary Hennerberg was called on by a company in Texas that sold mail-order fruitcakes. Fruitcakes weren’t selling like hotcakes (big surprise)… and they needed to boost orders.

Gary asked the bakery what ingredients were used, and, to his surprise, he found that these fruitcakes contained pecans. Not only that, but they were grown locally in Texas, on the banks of a river, where the moisture made them particularly flavorful.

Gary told the company to test a mailing calling the product "native Texas pecan cakes" instead of "fruitcakes." They followed his advice… and fruitcake sales soared by 60 percent

Semantics, I guess. Go figure.

This article appears courtesy of Early To Rise, the Internet’s most popular health, wealth, and success e-zine. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.earlytorise.com.

Workouts for a Busy Gym

2007-10-08T09:55:00.000Z

By Craig Ballantyne, CSCS, MS

Word count: 1525
Related keywords: cardio, fat loss, workout, exercise routine, burn fat, lose weight, weight loss, calories, intervals

With the dark nights drawing in and the festive holidays fast approaching, here's a quick but highly effective way to keep your fitness on track, while still having time for a life outside the gym.

Gyms are busy. Too busy. And it is always busiest when you settle in for your TT workout with its awesome fat-blasting supersets.

I know it drives you nuts when you are trying to pair lunges and
presses while someone is taking up valuable workout space chatting or doing some pointless fluff exercise. Why can't they just get out of your way and let you finish your super effective TT workout?

Crowded gyms are such a big problem that I designed the following TT workout that helps you perform my trademark "noncompeting" supersets - the most effective way to lift for fat loss - without letting anyone get in your way. This new version of TT lets you get it done right, even in a busy gym.

The secret to this workout is the pairing of two exercises that can be done at the same bench and often with the same weights. So you won't lose your spot between exercises. Camp out in your little area, work hard, and you'll get lean and lose fat faster than ever.

NOTE: This workout originally ran in Men's Fitness magazine, but I've actually improved the workout just for you! Always looking out for my TurbulenceTraining.com subscribers.

Workout Guidelines

· Workout 3 days per week alternating between workouts A &
B. Rest 1 day between sessions.

· In week 1, you will follow an A, B, A schedule. In week 2, a B, A, B schedule. In week 3, an A, B, A schedule, and in week 4, a B, A, B schedule.

· Each pair of exercises constitutes a "Superset". In each
Superset, do one set of the first exercise followed immediately by the next (1A & 1B) and then repeat.

· Rest 1 minute after completing the exercises in the
Superset (i.e. after 1A & 1B).

· Repeat each Superset until you've completed a total of three sets of each exercise in the pair, then move on to the next
pair.

· Use a 2-0-1 lifting tempo for all exercises (except for any holding exercises like the plank). Take 2 seconds to lower the weight, pause briefly, and then take 1 second to lift the weight.

· Finish each workout with stretching for the tight muscle
groups only.

· For full exercise descriptions and photos, see the Turbulence
Training manual.

Warm-up

· If you are limited by time, reduce the number of sets in the workout, but always perform the full warm-up.

· Never skip a warm-up.

o Perform this circuit 2x's using a 2-0-1 tempo:
- 10 reps of bodyweight squats or step-ups
- 20 seconds for the plank
- 8 reps of kneeling pushups or regular pushups
- 10 reps of inverted bodyweight rowing exercise or band pull

- Perform 2 warm-up sets for each exercise in the first Superset.
- 1 set of 8 reps with 50% of the weight you will use in your
"real" sets.
- 1 set of 8 reps with 75% of the weight you will use in your
"real" sets.

Turbulence Training Interval Training Guidelines

· Research has shown that interval training is very effective for fat loss.

· It is recommended that the stationary cycle be used for
interval training because it allows for an easy transition between
work and recovery.

· Finish each interval workout with stretching for the tight
muscle groups only.

Beginner Interval Workout:
· Warm-up for 5-minutes.
· Perform an interval by exercising for 30 seconds at a hard
pace (at a subjective 7/10 level of intensity) - i.e. fast walking.
· Follow that with "active rest" for 90 seconds by exercising at a slow pace (at a subjective 3/10 level of intensity) - i.e. slow walking.
· Repeat for 3-6 interval repetitions. Finish with 5-10 minutes of moderate intensity exercise for a cool-down at a 4/10 level of intensity.

Advanced Interval Workout
· Warm-up for 5-10 minutes.
· Perform an interval by exercising for 30 seconds at a very hard pace (at a subjective 9/10 level of intensity).
· Follow that with "active rest" for 60 seconds by exercising at a slow pace (at a subjective 3/10 level of intensity).
· Repeat for 3-6 interval repetitions. Finish with 5-10 minutes of moderate intensity exercise for a cool-down at a 4/10 level of intensity.

Workout A

1A) Wide-stance Squat (8 reps)
- Set your feet 4-6 inches wider than shoulder width, your toes pointed forward.

- This superset works best if performed in a squat rack that also has a chin-up bar.

1B) Chin-ups (6 reps)
- If this is too hard, perform a Reverse-grip Lat Pulldown.
- Rest 1 minute and then go back to Squats.
- Do this Superset 3 times and then move on to the next
Superset.

2A) Barbell Step-ups (8 reps per leg)
- Use a step that's high enough so that your knee is bent 90 degrees.
- If you have to use DB's for the step-ups, take an extra 30
seconds rest when going from the step-ups to the rows.

2B) DB or Barbell Row (8 reps)
- Keep your lower back naturally arched.
- Rest 1 minute and then go back to Step-ups.
- Do this Superset 3 times and then move on to the next
Superset.

3A) Side Plank (5 reps per side)
- Contract and brace your abs for 10 seconds per repetition
while keeping your body in a straight line.

3B) Stability Ball Jackknife (12 reps)
- Rest 30 seconds and then go back to Side Plank.
- Do this Superset 3 times and then go to the Intervals.

Workout B

1A) Low-Incline DB Chest Press (8 reps)
- Set the incline to one notch above the flat-bench position.

1B) DB or Barbell Romanian Deadlift (8 reps)
- Keep your lower back naturally arched for the entire
movement.
- Rest 1 minute and then go back to 1A.
- Do this Superset 3 times and then move on to the next
Superset.

2A) DB Close-grip Chest Press (8 reps)
- Push the dumbbells straight up, not together.

2B) DB Rear-deltoid Lateral Raise (8 reps)
- Keep a tight arch in lower back and lean forward as far as possible.
- Perform this exercise extra slowly so that you don't use
momentum.
- Rest 1 minute and then go back to 2A.
- Do this Superset 3 times and then move on to the next
Superset.

3A) Elevated Push-up (12 reps per side)
- Place one hand on a 4-inch step or box and lower your body as
far as possible.

3B) Stability Ball Rollout (15 reps)
- Keep your body in a straight line at all times--don't allow your back to round or bend backward.

Let me know how this workout goes for you and email me your
results. Better yet, take a before and after picture and some measurements to monitor your progress.

If you have any other questions, just let me know.

Sincerely,

Craig Ballantyne
Author, Turbulence Training

About the Author

Craig Ballantyne is a Certified Strength & Conditioning Specialist and writes for Men's Health, Men's Fitness, Maximum Fitness, Muscle and Fitness Hers, and Oxygen magazines. His trademarked Turbulence Training fat loss workouts have been featured multiple times in Men’s Fitness and Maximum Fitness magazines, and have helped thousands of men and women around the world lose fat, gain muscle, and get lean in less than 45 minutes three times per week. For more information on the Turbulence Training workouts that will help you burn fat without long, slow cardio sessions or fancy equipment, visit www.TurbulenceTraining.com

Turbulence Training Review

2007-10-08T08:18:00.000Z

By Alan Gifford
Word count: 1028
Related keywords: turbulence training review, fat burning workout, lose fat, fat loss exercises

Review of Turbulence Training: The Program that Promises Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Workout Time

Turbulence Training promises fast fat loss results for men and women who don't have a lot of time for exercise. This is a bold promise, and the workouts promise maximum results in only three workouts per week.

Let's take a look at this claim, and see if it really measures up!

Before we get to the program, let's take a look at the expert behind the workouts. I've come across Craig Ballantyne's name many times in popular fitness magazines such as Men's Health and Men's Fitness, and even in Oxygen and Shape magazines. So the program is clearly put together by a trusted fitness expert.

I've also talked to Craig about his training and education background, and I'll be honest, it was impressive, unlike the trainers with weekend certifications that pop up at large commercial gyms. Craig's experience goes back to the mid-nineties, in both the gym and in the research lab. He's actually led research trials on sport supplements, strength training, and cardiovascular training.

Plus, Craig has been a strength coach and has worked with hundreds of clients in thousands of training sessions. This is a unique, and thorough background, so its not surprising he's come up with a new training system for fat loss.

In fact, Craig's articles are always pretty hard on traditional aerobic cardio workouts. So if you're looking for new ways to spend 30 or 60-minutes doing cardio, then this program is not for you. But if you only have 45 minutes to workout, a couple of times per week, and you have access to only a bench, dumbells, and an exercise ball, then you'll like what Craig has for you here.

Now one of the biggest questions about the program is simply, "What is Turbulence Training?" Well according to Craig, its the combination of resistance training and interval training used to boost your metabolism so that your body burns calories and fat between workouts. He says, "Cardio doesn't boost your metabolism after exercise. Only strength training and interval training do that - while you work, sleep, and eat - your body will be shedding fat."

Fortunately, Craig's unique system of bodyweight exercises, dumbell exercises, and interval training can all be done at home, with minimal equipment (if you are really strong, it might help to have a chinup bar). So again, if you are one of those people who loves machines, or cardio equipment, or marathon workouts, then this program is not for you.

Frankly, I've used the program myself and recommended to many others. Why? Because no one has time for long workouts! That's why. After an eight or ten hour workday, a round-trip commute of 90 minutes, and spending time with my family, I just don't have time to do another 90 minute workout every day of the week.

In fact, I either get up early and do the workout before work, or I do it just before bed. This workout is perfect for busy men and women. But its not the type of routine that is going to turn anyone into a pro bodybuilder. If you want maximum muscle and want to bulk up, try another one of Craig's programs. But the Turbulence Training system is best for burning fat without sacrificing muscle - so you end up lean, defined, chiseled and toned.

And its fun! So many workouts are boring (i.e. long cardio) or repetitive (i.e. doing the same bodybuilding workout over and over again). But Turbulence Training uses a lot of unique (but not fluffy) exercises, including some cool, killer bodyweight moves that will make you more athletic and increase your functional and core strength - again, all with minimal equipment needs.

But, I am even able to recommend this program to friends who are just starting out, because Craig has put together a 6-week introductory program, and a 4-week intermediate program in addition to the 16-week advanced training phase (PLUS, the Turbulence Training program comes with a massive amount of bonus workouts for muscle building, bodyweight only, advanced fat loss, and even a female specific bonus).

But each workout progresses into the next. He's used all of these workouts with hundreds of clients - so they are safe and effective. Sure, you can get other programs that leave you smashed and puking after the first workout, but Turbulence Training is not like that. Soreness doesn't matter, only results matter! And you are in expert hands with Turbulence Training, and Men's Health expert, Craig Ballantyne.

Craig's Turbulence Training also contains a contract -- basically, your pledge to being committed to the program. It also includes an ebook on Nutrition Guidelines from expert, Dr. Chris Mohr, Ph.D., and an extensive Q&A section, a 21-Healthy Habit Building Plan, plus the complete Turbulence Training workouts for beginner, intermediate and advanced level individuals.

All users will benefit from the Turbulence Training MP3 audio where Craig goes over the program, plus you can find every single exercise explained in detail, complete with photos.

Okay, so bottom line. Turbulence Training is NOT....

Long, slow cardio workouts
A machine-based exercise circuit
A bodybuilding program to gain bulk
A workout with lots of time-wasting isolation exercises
A restrictive eating plan
Turbulence Training provides NONE of the above. On the other hand, Turbulence Training is perfect for busy men and women who want to burn fat in the comfort of their own homes without spending a lot of money on equipment or space on exercise machines. Oh, and you'll actually have fun and you won't "dread" these workouts - heck, they will be over before you know it!

If you're in the slightest bit curious, I recommend you look closely at Craig's program. I was very impressed with all of the Turbulence Training workouts, the bonuses, the guarantee, and Craig's expertise. For the money, it's the best deal in the fitness and fat loss industry - so much better than diet pills! And remember...

Craig Ballantyne's Turbulence Training is backed by a 8-week money back guarantee. And this is a real guarantee... if you are not completely satisfied, you will receive your money back, no "ifs," "ands," or "buts." So you really have nothing to lose.

How to Fight Cravings and Win

2007-09-28T09:35:00.000Z

Think back to high school biology and you'll probably have a memory buried somewhere of a Russian researcher named Ivan Pavlov. Pavlov, you may recall, repeatedly rang a dinner bell right before feeding his dogs a big, juicy steak. Eventually, the dogs would salivate at the sound of the bell. Pavlov had trained his dogs to have a physiological response to a neutral stimulus - a bell - simply because the bell was associated with food.Think about that the next time you're at the movies and pass the popcorn stand.Our brains are wired in much the same way as the brains of Pavlov's dogs. We associate all sorts of things with food - from a holiday celebration to a fight with our spouse. Food nourishes us - but it also comforts us, soothes us and even medicates us when we're feeling anxious, lonely or tired. And it helps us celebrate when we're feeling happy. Put that together with the fact that obscene amounts of food are everywhere and you have a perfect recipe for eating disorders and mass obesity.But just as we were conditioned to associate food - and overeating - with all sorts of things, we can undo that conditioning. It's not easy - but it's also not as hard as you might think. And it generally takes no more than 21 days.Our overeating triggers are actually chains of events - like Christmas tree lights that go on in sequence. A stressful argument leads to feeling helpless which leads to a journey into the kitchen which leads to ten packs of ring-dings. Usually the chain of events is faster and shorter - think of feeling stress and immediately reaching for a cigarette.So here's the trick: short circuit the chain. Break the circuit and the remaining lights don't fire up. You can accomplish the same thing with your overeating triggers.First, isolate exactly what your five biggest triggers are. (Write them down.)Now comes the part where you put a "chink in the link". You're going to substitute a new activity for the destructive activity (much like an addict learns to go to the gym and get "high" from running). Try any one of these simple activities next time you hit one of your triggers:
Brush your teeth
Eat a pickle (eating something completely different from what you're craving tricks the brain and kills the craving - try eating a hot pepper when you're craving chocolate and you'll instantly see what I mean)
Reward yourself with a relaxing activity you normally wouldn't do - i.e. a warm bath or uninterrupted reading of glossy magazines!
Go for a walk (the endorphins released will often balance the chemistry of a craving brain)
Write down what you're feeling. Try "being" with that feeling for five minutes.Most cravings (and overeating triggers) only last 15 minutes. If you can outwait - or outwit - them, you can beat them. Tell yourself "I can have this food" (thus eliminating thoughts of deprivation) but "I have to wait just 15 minutes".You'll be amazed (and happily surprised) at how differently you'll feel a quarter hour later.

How to describe"Britishness"

2007-09-25T20:09:00.000Z

There is an old joke which, like all jokes, only works if delivered with a straight face and solemnity: “To be born an Englishman is to win first prize in the race of life.”

Anyhow, I know many of you are not in line for the first prize, and have better things to think about than the fact that English is not the same as British, and that our Prime Minister, Gordon Brown is Scottish, like his predecessor, Bliar, and many of his cabinet. Cameron is a Scottish name for that matter

Gordon Brown is no fool – he is running rings round Cameron - and to take the eye off his Scottish origins he has launched a campaign about "Britishness", the latest manifestation of which is a contest to come up with a phrase or word which describes being British.

To this end I believe he has set up a panel of 1,000 useful idiots, making it into the sort of contest they have on the back of cereal boxes.
You may well wonder why describing what it means to be British matters more than determining whether we stay British by being allowed to vote on whether we should willy-nilly accept the carefully disguised new European Constitution.

But, ever a concerned citizen, even though I have not been asked, I feel it my patriotic duty to help in the task of defining ourselves.

This country is a very popular holiday (and work) destination, so even if you are not British you may like to know what to expect when you get here. What are the words or phrases that encapsulate our national charms today?

I have examined what seems to characterise us most, and come up with a list of plausible candidates. This was no casual study. I did so by dint of by walking around the streets, reading the paper, listening to radio and watching, as little as possible, TV.

Finding just one phrase or word that describes us is not easy, as we have so many obvious qualities, but “Illiterate” instantly springs to mind. Even people with university degrees can rarely write English nowadays, as I know from reading far too many badly-written reports and letters asking for jobs.

“Obese” gets my vote, too. We dare not yet challenge the good citizens of, say, Houston, Texas, but in Europe only the Germans carry, on average, more wobbling flab than we now do.

“Noisy, drunken, tattooed and violent” is clearly a fitting phrase, as time in the hospital casualty department in any large town on a Saturday night will demonstrate. “Druggies” has a claim as well. If late at night you aren’t offered drugs nowadays, complain to someone – maybe the overpaid time-wasters at the Equal Opportunities Commission - because you’re being discriminated against.

How about “Pregnant at 15 - again”? Statistics show we are clear winners in that contest. Or perhaps “Idle”? The number of clearly able-bodied beggars you see on the streets is quite astounding. They do well too. I recently saw a black man who works from a bench in the King’s Road buying shoes in a shop nearby that’s far too expensive for me.

On top of that, an amazing number of people are paid to be unemployed or have jobs in the public sector that involve so little real effort they might just as well be. Thank God there are shoals of Poles and others who grapple with the hard graft.

I have to say, too, that “Mawkishly sentimental” has good claims. If you don’t believe me wait till you try to avoid being drowned by the tidal wave of slop that gushes out whenever the words “Princess Diana” are dragged out for another airing in the media.

It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? On balance, maybe “Gullible” gets my vote if we all fall for Gordon’s latest little ploy. But you do have to take your hat off to him. How many people could guide a country from massive surplus into massive debt in ten years and still be seen as a brilliant economic manager?

Now after that little bit of fun, before you all get carried away and imagine I’m just a miserable old git, I’ll come clean. I sometimes think all these qualities are counterbalanced by others like imagination, an unusual degree of tolerance, humour and a sense of fun, a belief in fairness, good restaurants serving almost any cuisine except our own, unusual skill at losing almost all sporting contests gracefully – and so on.

I also think that we have benefited hugely from all the people around who are not English.

A Few World Class Groaners!

I love puns and word-games,

These are really and truly AWFUL and I love them! Enjoy:

Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.

Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse \i-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank \left' bangk'\: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Paradox \par'-u-doks\: Two physicians.

Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm.

Primate \pri'-mat\: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief \ree-leef'\: What trees do in the spring

Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: What you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress \seem'-stres\: Describes 14 stone in a size 8.

Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued \sub-dood'\: A guy that works on one of those submarines.

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* Police were called to a daycare, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

* Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He is all right now.

* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

* A thief fell in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

* We'll never run out of math teachers, because they always multiply.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

* The geologist discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog its memory.

* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

* When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

* A calendar's days are numbered.

* A boiled egg is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

* A plateau is a high form of flattery.

And Then He Made Women

2007-09-23T06:44:00.000Z

My friend forwarded this, it touched me and I had to pass it along. I hope you'll enjoy it, and pass it along to your friends, as well.

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, be able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded. "Only two hands!? No way! That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

But the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation and it's so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their heart breaks when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail to show how much they care about you. The heart of woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

If you are a woman, I hope I've reminded you. If you are a man, pass this along to the women you love.

Questions that i ponder on!

2007-09-19T19:53:00.000Z

1. If you spin an oriental man in a circle does he become disoriented?
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
4. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it a hostage situation?
8. Is there another word for synonym?
9. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
10. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
11. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
12. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
13. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
14. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
15. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
16. Why do they put Braille on drive-through bank machines?
17. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
18. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
19. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
20. How is it possible to have a civil war?
21. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
22. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
23. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
24. Whose idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?
25. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
26. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
27. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
28. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

More Job Centre woe

2007-09-18T22:37:00.000Z

I had my jobseekers allowance interview on Tuesday.What a performance! I filled in 49 pages of intrusive questions about myself and my wife and our financial status, good job I wasn`t claiming council tax benefit as that was @ another 47 pages of questions.Inside leg measurement, religous disposition and are you a member of a recognized terrorist group??? I had started a new job as well, due to a bit of networking and calling people who I had worked with in the past. My boss was great, he understood my position,as it`s been @ 6 weeks since I`ve been paid, and due to my previous employers financial difficulties I only recieved 2 weeks wages.I`m almost as good as Jesus, he had a loaf and five fishes to feed the five thousand, I had 2weeks wages to feed and clothe a 16 year old eating machine and fashion victim-no contest.
( I wouldn`t mind but my son eats constantly,drinks pints of milk a day and never puts anyweight on,lucky git has got his mothers genes in that respect. I only have to look at a cream cake and I have to let my trousers out at the waist!!)

I digress, my appointment letter ordered me to arrive at my interview 10 minutes early, so I duly arrived at the Job Centre, nothing had changed- except the rats were a little fatter due to all the bait they had eaten. There was a bit of a rush on a the time ,as a couple of local companies had gone bust, so there were @ 30people milling around behind the counter, 2 pigs on the counter as air freshners, and 2 receptionists who couldn`t care less if they tried.There was also a securty guard there by the desk, probably ensuring that the receptionsts didn`t do a runner.I managed to atrract their attention, gave my name, and was told due to staff shortages, my interview would be running late- “Is that all right?” I was tempted to say “yes fine”, but I was losing money by being there, so I explained that it was my first day in a new job-
”Oh is that one you got from here?”
Yeah dream on sister!
She then asked if I had my forms, so I hitched up my weight lifting belt and pulled them out of my bag,- ever likely the rainforests are shrinking-She took them off me and tossed them behind her and told me to take a seat. Where to I didn`t ask.
After a while I asked one of the girls milling about how long she`d worked there? “3 months “ came the reply- so it wasn`t her who took my forms then! I was clean shaven when I went in, I had a 5o`clock shadow by the time my name was called.
I was led into another office and the guy behind the desk went through the set questions, whilst going through the forms. Every so often he would get up, excuse himself then leave the office. I thought he had a weak bladder, then I realised he was photcopying various parts of my application. I was then informed that he would go through my return to work plan, despite me informing him that I had started another job that very same day.
“Do you have a CV?”
“No I drive a Renault Megane”
“Are you prepared to work full time?”
“I already am”
“Are you prepared to travel to find work?”
“No ,as I already have a job”
After loads more questions, he told me I was entitled to 1weeks jobseekers allowance, less 3 waiting days, so the grand total would be £32.56.
I was ecstatic!! but the best was yet to come- there was a delay of at least 3weeks before I get paid, staff shortages you see.
I asked what I was supposed to live on in the meantime and was told I wouldn`t qualify for a crisis loan as my partner was working.
I was glad to get out and get back to work
As a foot note, my brother, who had been in the same situation-ie laid off due to his boss being insolvent-gave me a number to call that is a government scheme to compensate workers in that situation. It`s capped to a certain level,but they sent me the forms to fill in the very next day, and in most cases they pay you within 4weeks.
I guess the lesson in this is that God helps those who help themselves.

Abandonhope all who enter

2007-09-18T22:30:00.000Z

I am 44 years old. I have worked since I was 16 and in that time I have only been on the dole for one week. Even when the factory I worked at announced it was shutting, I was pro-active and took a temporary job untill I found another I wanted to do. On Friday, my boss announced that he was suspending operations, in effect he`s broke. I immediately went home trawled the net and local rags and registered with employment agencies. Monday felt like I was bobbing school, the first time in 28 years- apart from holidays- I haven`t gone to work. I was on the phone arranging interviews etc and felt pretty positive. Tuesday I went the job centre-big, big mistake. I`m not going to reveal the whereabouts but my local job centre leaves a lot to be desired. On the way in, a sign declared:

PLEASE DO NOT LINGER IN THIS AREA,RATS HAVE BEEN SEEN AND THE SITUATION IS BEING DEALT WITH. BAIT HAS BEEN PUT DOWN, DO NOT PICK ANYTHING UP FROM THE FLOOR.

Now I know times are hard but apart from toddlers, who picks things up? Am I missing something here?

The look of the building is bad enough, paint peeling and a general air of neglect, in fact it wouldn`t look out of place in Beirut - I almost expected to hear sniper fire. I turned the corner to the main entrance and was confronted by 2 security guards. Bought to mind the old joke "Have you got any weapons on you mate?"
"No"
"What do you want-knife,gun or chain?" boom-boom!!

I was looked over - mainly because I had clean clothes on! and a shirt rather than a - usually obscene- slogan T Shirt. Some strange looks when I didn`t set the metal detector off- no piercings you see.

Into a gloomy main room with a stained carpet, and a pig on the counter as an air freshener ( I`m exaggerating- the carpet wasn`t that bad)

I counted 20 people behind the counter, no one speaks, asks if theycan help or offers assistance. I noted one guy was playing solitaire on his computer-nice to see my taxes aren`t going to waste.

I wait until the receptionist has finished telling her colleague her latest sexual exploits with her married lover- cheeky little minx,so good of her to provide my entertainment, I`ve got nothing else to do! Also learned a few new techniques which I am sure my wife will apprecate later, who says education stops after school?
As she stops for air I rudely interupt and give her my tale of woe, she gives me a look that says "Your plight has really touched me- now sod off and tell someone who cares" as she passes me a leaflet with a jobline number on it and points to a bank of 3 phones with a queue of desperate looking men hovering around them. Having sized up the competiton and the fact that most of them smell like a brewery, I feel a bit like Niles from Frazier and decide to do my calling from home.

I get home call the magic number and get a distorted voice on the other end of the line asking set questions and giving me an appointment 2 weeks later to discuss my eligibility for jobseekers allowance.I suppose they hope I`ll find a job in the meantime, so do I,so do I!!

Real quotes from complaints to the council

2007-05-09T09:54:00.000Z

These made me giggle.

.
These are genuine clips from British Council flat tenants complaining to the Council about problems with their flats.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Focus

2006-11-11T13:30:00.000Z

Make a decision to take a step however small in alignment with your biggest goal.
I can't stress this enough "you need to think like an exocet missile"

QUOTES

"Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention." -- Greg Anderson

"Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." -- Buddha

"Our plans miscarry if they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbour he is making for, no wind is the right wind." -- Seneca

"Emphasise everything and you emphasise nothing." -- Herschell Gordon Lewis

I read something the other day that I just can't let go of. It's an idea that's stunning, yet so obvious, I can't believe I haven't come across it sooner...

Our thoughts are CURRENCY
Think about that for a moment.

Everything you think about you BUY.

We've all heard that what we focus on determines the results we get in life. That makes sense. If you want something badly enough, and you focus all your energy on getting it, you'll very likely achieve it. Whereas if you don't focus on getting it, you won't.

But the currency metaphor takes this idea a bit further. It suggests that we even get the things we DON'T want if we think about them long enough.

So if you constantly think, "I don't want to be poor. I hate not having any money. I don't earn enough to buy the things I want. My job sucks." -- if you SPEND most of your thoughts on the experience of being poor, that's what you get.

We all know someone who constantly complains about how unlucky they are, how nothing ever goes right for them. And when you look closely at their life, what do you notice? They're right. They DO seem to have worse luck than the average person.

How can this be true?

Well, let's look at the salesperson who's so worried about not making the sale; that's all he can focus on. In his sales presentation, do you think he's relaxed or tense? Do you think he's more concerned with solving his prospect's problem or selling his product? Do you think he'll respond empathetically or defensively to his prospect's objections?

Clearly, a tense and defensive salesperson who's aggressively pushing his product is not going to have the greatest chance of making the sale.

So, if thoughts are currency, and you buy whatever you think about, the importance of a positive mental focus becomes obvious. Imagine each week when you got your paycheque you went out and bought everything you didn't want. That's ridiculous, right? So, be as frugal with your thoughts as you are with your cash.

Here's how you do it:

1. Increase your awareness of when and how often your thoughts go negative. Get in the habit of asking yourself, "What am I focusing on right now? Is it positive or negative?"

2. If your focus is negative, replace it with its positive opposite. Instead of dwelling on the things that are missing in your life, focus on what you already have and what's possible in the future. Get in the habit of asking yourself, "What do I love about my life?"

3. Defend yourself fiercely against outside toxic negative influences. Stay away from complainers and blamers. Limit your exposure to the sensationalised and negative media. Get in the habit of asking yourself, "What's influencing my mental focus right now, and is it positive or negative?"

4. Surround yourself with positive influences (or simply notice what's already around you). Associate frequently with people who lift your spirits and inspire you. Decorate your home and workspace with pictures and colours that make you feel good. Play upbeat music that gives you energy. Get in the habit of asking yourself, "What can I do or focus on that will increase the quality of this experience?"

In his classic book "Think and Grow Rich," Napoleon Hill wrote, "you have ABSOLUTE CONTROL over but one thing, and that is your thoughts. If you fail to control your own mind, you may be sure you will control nothing else."

With a consistent positive mental focus, you will cultivate fertile ground in which success and fulfilment will take root and grow. With a negative focus, your life becomes polluted and toxic, killing off your dreams before they even have a chance

Some "jokes" I was recently sent- just feel like sharing them,so I don`t groan alone

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A pair of jump leads walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doctor, doctor, I can't stop singing "The Green, Green Grass
of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy
says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain;they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother. Up on receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "But they're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him .....(this is so bad, it's
good)................ a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty
Different puns to his friends with the hope that at least ten of the
puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Changing Your Mood

2006-11-11T13:27:00.000Z

In the no-mans land between your old comfort zone and achieving success you are likely to have "down in the dumps" days. To counteract these have a "Cheer me up kit" ready, this could include:-

A CD of your favorite music
An Audio CD of motivational speakers
Your Dreamboard- pictures of your goals
Your list of past Successes
A few selected Photos of friends and family
Your best memories of holidays
Your favorite restaurant, beach, hideaway

ACTION:-
Prepare these now because they must be at hand in case of a bad day

Quote:
Somebody should tell us right at the start of our lives that we are dying... Then, we might live life to the limit! Every - minute - of - every - day! DO IT, I SAY! WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT TO DO! Do it NOW! There are only so many tomorrows... Michael Landon

A Few More Imponderables

These were sent by my friend, Jill. I love these sorts of insights, but always wonder a bit about the people who come up with them. Just how do their minds work, any way? Enjoy!

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days people don't talk about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Daily habits determine your destiny

2006-11-11T13:23:00.000Z

Robert Collier said that “success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” Show me your daily habits and I can predict your level of success without knowing anything else about you. Here’s an excellent article by lifecoach Philip Humbert, on the power of daily habits:

This resounded with me- I hope you like it:

Daily Habits Determine Your Destiny

Almost everything we do is the result of our habits. We get up about the same time, go through a familiar routine of showering, brushing our teeth, and getting ready for the day. Most people take the same route to work every day, whether they drive the freeway, ride the train or take a bike. Of course, there are minor variations as we decide what to wear, make allowance for road construction or get up early for a breakfast meeting.

But the fact remains that habits simplify our lives. Imagine if you woke up with no idea where the bathroom or closet might be, what your schedule was, or what responsibilities you faced. Life would be stressful beyond belief! Fortunately, we have “ordinary routines” that help us navigate our way to our first cup of coffee, and guide our activities through the day. Most of the time, our habits serve us well.

And here’s a vital point: Habits start out as very simple choices.

There’s an old diddy that goes something like this: Sow a thought, and reap an action. Sow action, and reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character and reap a destiny. Think about the power of that sequence! To a remarkable degree our ultimate success or failure in life is the long-term result of simple thoughts and ordinary, routine habits.

So, why not intentionally choose daily habits or “disciplines” that will take you where you want to go in life? Here are a few examples.

Many people get in the habit of listening to sports or talk radio while they commute and, of course there’s nothing wrong with that. But other people get in the habit of listening to motivational, inspirational or educational CD’s, and over time, they benefit from that daily habit.

Or how about people who routinely grab a hamburger and fries for lunch, while others habitually reach for a salad? Some people habitually come home and turn on the TV, while others come home and go for a run, mow the lawn or do homework with the kids. Any of those choices are “easy” but some lead to better long-term outcomes than others. Some people have the habit of spending, while others choose the habit of saving and investing. Either option is easy and fun, but they have very different long-term results.

As a coach, I encourage my clients to make a handful of fundamental decisions about the habits they want in their lives. I encourage them to be clear, specific and committed to each of them.

One habit Mary and I have had for twenty years is that the first three words we utter every morning and the last three we say at night are the same: “I love you.” Many of my clients have developed the habit of reading something positive every single day, even if it’s only a few pages. Over time, it becomes a part of who they are and how they live their lives.

For years I’ve had a “Daily 7″ that I pursue and the “code” may not mean much to you, but the list has powerful meaning for me. My Daily 7 are: “Read, Write, Walk, Work, Nest, Network, and Fun.” Each word stands for a pattern or habit that I want in my life. Some days, they get more focus or effort than others, but over the years those seven “code words” have helped me stay healthy, enriched my marriage, made me money and expanded my community. My “Daily 7″ are habits that help me create the life I’ve chosen for myself.

I encourage you to choose a few simple, positive habits that will enhance your life. Reduce them to simple actions you WILL take every day. If they are complicated, you may not stay committed to them, so use the KISS formula and “Keep It Simple and Straight-forward.” It’s easier to develop the habit of “exercising for 15 minutes” than to “get fit.”

For better or worse, life is made up of our small daily habits. High achievers have habits that reflect their values and aspirations in life. Unfortunately, most people have habits that keep them comfortable but do not achieve the things they want in life. Over time, work to remove habits that overtly hold you back, but it’s even more important to add positive daily habits that reflect your highest and best qualities.

For more Resources for Success, go to www.philiphumbert.com .

Life Enhancers

2006-11-05T02:08:00.001Z

10 Things To Enhance My Life Each Day

1) Visualise my 5 most Important goals- create the life I want to lead first in my mind.

2) Take action towards each one of the goals, even if it is the tiniest of steps.

3) Exercise my body and my dietry discipline.

4) Meditate-Take some quiet time-10 minutes is good-20even better

5) Read something inspirational,educating or entertaining.If it's all 3 so much the better.

6) Have fun, laugh as much as possible, exerience joy.

7) Write- anything,an article, diary or journal entry.Get the thoughts on paper-clears the mind.

8) Show some form of kindness, to a stranger is ok, but even more important to someone special.

9) Show gratitude. Tell my wife how much I love her, how much joyand love she brings to me.

10) Complete something.

Don't count the days- make the days count

Life Lessons

2006-11-05T01:28:00.000Z

Over the years, there have been lots of collections of wisdom passed around. These resonated with me, I hope you enjoy them!

Remember: A friend will come bail you out of jail....
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying ... WE sure messed up!

I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned....That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned....That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned....That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned...That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned...That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned....That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned...That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned....That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned...That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned....That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned...That I wish I could have told those I cared about that I love them one more time before they passed away.

I've learned....That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned....That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned....That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned....That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness, and growth happen while you're climbing it.

I've learned....That the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.

Hello To All- (Random Thoughts)

2006-11-05T01:18:00.000Z

Hello, I'm using this blog as a tool to release all the thoughts that are running around my head. It may or may not make sense but it will be somewhere I can openly empty my mind.(At least at the moment there are no voices in my head- but give it time!!)
I was very interested in a comment in this weeks news about depression rates increasing. It seems that as a nation we are all chasing the impossible.Debt is at an all time high,divorce is at record levels,as a population we all seem to be binge drinking, drug taking,anything to escape from this life of "quiet desperation", that is if you beleive what you read in the tabloids.
Unfortunately as a friend of mine who is involved in the press once said "if it bleeds it leads", confirming that negativity is preferable to the people who run the press. It seems every day,there is some new appaling crime commited by "hoodie thugs", some new scare about the food we eat, or the air that we breathe or whatever.
Very rarely in the press do you find stories about the good things teenagers do, helping out on reclamation schemes, helping to build adventure playgrounds for younger children to enjoy, or helping older members of their community in some way. It's not just teenagers who get a bad press, there's always some killer or criminal on the front pages,and the stories that inspire or move you are always tucked away and are probably only a few lines.

It makes me wonder sometimes how all this negativity is affecting people. I have a family situation at the moment that is a classic example. My wife and I (apologies to the Queen!!),have been married for 20 years, so as you can imagine we've had some ups and downs.things like redundancy,deaths in the family, excessive debt.Through all of this we kept our eye on the main thing- we were stronger together than apart, we helped each other, got strength and comfort from one another and focused on getting through one day at a time.Now the fact is that I am extremely fortunate in my choice of wife-(she is one in 50million who can put up with me )

Now my brother and sister in law are another thing entirely. On the outside you would think they had it made.Lovely home, nice kid, jobs that they love and every material thing you could want.However one of them has decided that the grass is greener on the otherside and has left the matrimonial home and moved in with their parents, leaving the other devastated and on anti-depressants. (I'm being deliberately vague here because I'm not taking sides and I want to respect their privacy) The person who moved out is being very vague and is just saying that they are not sure if it (the marriage) is what they want any more.The one left behind is totally shocked with this bolt out of the blue and is left wondering where it all went wrong. We're told no-one else is involved but as you can imagine every situation and event is now under scrutiny and two adults and a child are left to pickup the pieces.
I know this is a long rant or wittering, but as I said at the start Iam using this to empty my mind of all the junk that accumulates in there.The discipline of not using profane language is also good for me , and is helping me to put things in perspective
I want to finish on a positive note so I'm going to tell you some of the things I do to keep my attitude positive.
Wake early and watch the sunrise-(great at weekends)
Spend at least 30 minutes reading a good positive book
Exercise-calisthenics mainly as they put you in touch with your body
Yoga
Deep Breathing
Goal Setting
Positive Affirmations
Watching a good comedy or film on dvd-Anything with Ronnie Barker usually works for me
A gratitude list - 10 things every day that you feel thankfull for-after a few days you will find this is so easy as you will have more to be grateful for
A cuddle with my lovely missus
Anyway got to go now- She Who Must Be Obeyed needs picking up from the shops
Watch this space