No wonder Tesco are worried... or, time to leave the country before they switch the lights out

In case you didn't notice, the other day the boss of Tesco let out a yowl of dismay about the dire state of education here. When a supermarket can't find people smart enough to arrange the fruit and veg, God knows we're in the mire.

So here is an instructive selection of magic moments from British Quiz programmes to prove a point.It almost makes you weep!!

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant: Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.


BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

Contestant: Leicester

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: I don't know.

Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant: Arm

Stewart White: Correct And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant: Strong.

Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis

Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant: France .

Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question.. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

Contestant: Paris .

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark : For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )

Phil: What's 11 squared?

Contestant: I don't know.

Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard: Which American actor was married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY (AGAIN)

Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant: Er. .. ..

Richard: He makes bread . .

Contestant: Er . ....

Richard: He makes cakes . .

Contestant: Kipling Street ?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant: Barcelona .

Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question: What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant: The Pacific.

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... Er, er .... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller: Japan .

Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller: Er ...... Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant: Holland ?

Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant: Er. ... ..

Phil Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .

Contestant: Blimey?

Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..

Contestant: (Silence)

Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . .. .

Contestant: Walked?

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant: Jewish.

Presenter: That's close enough.

(Sounds like BRMB operates on the same basis as the national curriculum, folks)

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus.

By the way, the headline in yesterday evening's copy of London Lite, a free newspaper, was all about the fact that Louis Walsh was not going to appear as a judge in The X Factor because Stephen Gately, a singer, has died and Louis is too upset to appear.

Now there's a paper that knows the intellectual level of most of its readers.

Warrior

With thanks to Geoff Thompson

This resonated with me.To read the full article click here

Where have all the warriors gone? Where are all the stoics, the hardy grafters, the industrious inventors, the pioneers and adventurers? Why are men’s shirts tight on the belly instead of on the chest and back, and why are woman having to get post codes placed on each cheek of their very large arses? What ever happened to physical prowess, the hardy mentality and the imaginative acuity that enabled our great species to survive eons against seemingly impossible odds?


People have forgotten how to be courageous.

They have forgotten why it is important to be courageous.

Maybe now is the time to reconnect with the warrior that you once were and could be again.

Here are a few tips to help you towards self sovereignty and hardiness:

1) Get your physical well being back to balance. And start now. You should not be fat! You should not be unfit. You should not be out of shape.

2) Do not put of until tomorrow when you and I both know that for the procrastinator tomorrow does not exist.

3) Don’t point the finger of blame, unless you have a mirror handy. It is not a warrior trait to blame. The responsibility starts and ends with you.
This is the exciting bit. You don’t have to wait for permissions, you don’t need
the nod from your wife or your mum or your mates down the pub, it is down to
you, and making your own decisions is one step towards becoming a warrior.

4) Be industrious. Be busy investing your hours into the conglomerate that is You Inc. You should not be lazy, your time is very valuable because your time is finite, it is a once only deal, you will never get lost time back again, so make the very best you can of it.

5) Kill the self pity; you should not be self-pitying, it does not serve you and it is not a warrior trait. You need to be stoic about life, if you get knocked down seven times, get back up again eight.

6) Groom! People say that you should not judge by appearance. But if someone does not even have the self discipline to honour their body by keeping it clean and groomed, then it does not say an awful lot for their inner being.

7) Make an inventory. Abraham Lincoln made an inventory of all his faults; impatience, procrastination, lateness etc. He ended up with about fifteen personal failings on his list. He then spent a week, in rota, perfecting each area until he had erased them all.

8) Self invest. Set an amount of time out every day to invest in yourself. Read, write, study, train, meditate – what ever does it for you, but invest. Make the investment consistent. And don’t say you do not have the time. You have the same time as everyone else. And if you don’t invest in you, who will?

9) Build a library. I have yet to meet a very successful person who does not read heavily. Readers are leaders. So start your collection of books and audios now. It will be life changing, because it is through the library that we escape mediocrity.

10) Serve. Make a point of serving others, because what you give out will keep returning. There is much power here! This is a reciprocal universe, what you give you will get back ten fold. Where possible make your service anonymous. Ideally only you and God should know where and how you serve. The real power of service is when it is secret service.

Be a warrior. Do not let life kick sand in your face. Stand up to it. Stoics see adventure and growth in every life situation, even and especially the tough life situations. It is in adversity that warriors are made. Be a hardy grafter, an industrious inventor and a pioneer. Do not settle for second best or complain about the fact that you would do more ‘if things were not so difficult.’ Life is hard for everyone, no one can escape the human condition, but it does not have to be dull and mundane; it can be exciting-hard and colourful-hard. You just need to give yourself a change of perspective, stop seeing what you have not got, and start looking at what you have got.

Don Juan Matus, a Yaqui Indian and Shaman, when teaching his student Carlos Castaneda, told him that the universe is made up of consciousness, and that if he changed his perception of the universe whole new worlds would open up to him. So get busy, change your perception, see the growth is difficulty, the adventure in the warrior life and whole new worlds will open up to you.

Dangerous Media?

A massive media backlash has started against the dancer Anton Du Beke. He called his dancing partner - the actress Laila Rouass "a Paki". Without condoning the language used, I think this is just another case of trial by media. It happened 2 weeks ago, it was a joke (if not a very funny one) and he has had his apology accepted by Miss Rouass.

A bit of a case of people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones here methinks. As I write this, an Asian woman has rung the TV programme "The Wright Stuff" to tell everyone about her workforce of Afghanies, mainly women, who are known as "The Taliban". It's a jokey refererence to something that most people can relate to when Afghanistan is mentioned. I also find it interesting that most of the people who are "outraged" are white and what used to be called middle class.
In a week where 3 people have been convicted of having pornographic images of young children in various digital media, a tsunami has struck and an earthquake has killed thousands, this really is a story that should never have seen the light of day.I'm sure Miss Rouass has given as good as she got, and I suppose the one good thing about it,it's kept Katie Price,aka Jordan, off the front pages for a day or so.